Change in Life

Chapter 5. Self-Worth

Heavy drops of water slamming against his bedroom window stirred Blake the next morning. He dosed with his mind half clouded and zoned out while relaxing and enjoyed the hypnotic tones of the storm. Listening to the rain and wind, he knew today's work on the barn was going to be called off. A big grin came upon his face, as he hated working so hard on that building. The fogginess of his early morning thoughts cradled his thoughts softly and beckoned them to turn in to dreams.

Slowly, he began to fall back to sleep. A huge flash of light flinched his closed eyes open just in time for the crash of thunder that shook the house to send his heart rate skyrocketing. After that, he couldn't get back to sleep. All the clouds in hi head had escaped from the storm. He blinked his eyes and looked at the time on the bedside clock. It was nearly eleven o'clock. It was so cloudy outside he couldn't see the sun to tell whether it was late in the day or not.

Rolling onto his back, he stretched in his bed and began to wake up properly. He thought of what he could do this weekend. Since he got expelled, no homework was expected. Nothing was on the agenda, and being in the last year of school before being let go in the open world of the workforce, he wasn't going to be enrolled into another school any time soon. There was no point paying to go to another school for a couple of months. He smiled and gave himself a gleeful chortle.

Happy, he thought of going to Sky's house. This dashed his hopes as he remembered they were no longer together. He often did this. His heart told him their connection was still true; there was still love for each other. But it couldn't happen. He had extinguished that flame and nothing could be done to light it again. It hurt even more when he realized he would never see her again as a friend either. The grievous let down stare she gave him said it all. The very knife she had given him in the chance of fixing what they had, he had been framed into using.

His time with her, no matter how distant in emotion it was, had ended.

He wept a silent tear as he remembered her smile and laughter. the very thing that he had liked about her. He wanted her, for her mind and body. He wanted to hug her and explain that it was all a great misunderstanding. But even still he couldn't put himself into a situation where the guilt of the past dominated. That, as well as letting the hunting lifestyle become a part of his life. The combination would end up killing him.

He had a chance to change. He had been contemplating it all day. The first steps on that path had already been trodden by the way of standing up for himself in the classroom. All he had to do was stop there and keep to his morals. To not fight. everything would have been alright. 

But now as he glanced back at all that had happened, he questioned just what morels he had left. Consideration had been his virtue. Something he had aimed at others instead of judgment. The walls he built around himself were there to stop it from succumbing to his vice. Once those walls came tumbling down, fury quickly overpowered him.

That's all he was now. An unstable young man with nothing left.

At the top of the staircase, he could hear laughing of other people in the house. Stepping down the stairs, he could now see who it was. It was his father and a couple of his hunting friends. As usual, Clio and Shadow came running towards Blake. This time they didn't knock him down. Instead they just stood there, patiently waiting for a pat with their tails wagging hard enough to move their flanks side to side. He gave them a much loved pat and walked over to his mother in the kitchen who was making lunch. It really was late in the day.

'What are they doing here?' whispered Blake to his mother.

Still resenting what her son had managed to do in the space of a few hours, Blake's mother responded hollowly, 'well, since you're father decided to call off the hunt the other night. He told them that they could come over here and visit.'