Change in Life

Chapter 25. She, Who is Important

Dammit! Why won't you just stay home?!

Another dawn to settle in, and another dawn spent alone. From the depths of her heart Jade wished she had never told him she was expecting. During the night was the only time Jade ever saw him, and even then it was only fleeting. Each day was spent unnecessarily curled nose to tail in a den meant for two. Meant for a family. The days were gradually warming the chamber and the time would come when the snow would at last stop falling. Without the one she cared the most to share this warmth with though, all she felt was the bitter chills from the memories of what it used to be like.

This abandonment was with good intentions, but she didn't want that yet. The devotion her mate had for her was so great that the pressure was gradually breaking them. The very purpose of being together was to be together. His parental instincts had kicked in too early and she didn't like it. These nights leading up to the birth were supposed to be for cherishing their individuality as a commitment free ride through life for the last time before their binding duties took over. Right now they were still a couple. Only until the cubs were born did this change into a family and any sense of selfishness was cast aside to dedicate themselves to the next generation. A miracle she dreamed of, but now wished wouldn't happen. All of this meant nothing if he wasn't there.

Each evening at dusk she felt him stir beside her, and for a brief second, smiled. She barely felt him when he returned during the afternoons, so she soaked in as much of his tender warmth as she could before the inevitable happened. Although she kept her exercise to a minimum to spare any injury she might inflict on her unborn young, her wariness and interrupted slumbers forced her to sleep deeply. Anything felt during those times was drawn out for her in pencil line dreams without color. This was comparable to Blake's exhaustion. He was always worn out, giving his all for her ease.

Those simple dusk's stirring with him beside her were relished as much as she could. But as she had quickly learned, looking at him was an entirely different struggle. As soon as eye contact was made with him, her maternal strength hit him first before her need for him to be with her and he ventured out of their home to hunt, taking that pleading smile with him. She wanted to feel that glow from him again that could only be reached through his beautiful eyes. That comforting spirit to spirit bond that bound them.

Waking with her partner was very different from resting. It did more for her morale to feel his body heat as she slept than to even feel the moving of young inside her. With every night he left, she felt the increasing urge to stop him from exiting the chamber and force him to spend time with her. From Blake's hesitations, she could feel his want to stay. If it weren't for what their love had created, his muzzle would be against hers all the time. He had matured past the stage of caring for the vixen and now lived only for what was inside.

Even as she hunted, she felt his presence vanish from time to time. All she wanted was for him to help her, not throw away his life for her. He only spent an hour with her at night before they eventually walked off in their own directions. The reverberating echoes of his howls he used played during their secret stage of courting so long ago failed to vibrate through the trees like it once did. The cold winds blew and occasionally she believed she could hear him. Only to have confused it with the notes of the many other things that sounded nothing like it his sweet music. Increasing each night, the woods felt hollower.

She had accepted who he was, no matter what his emotions might make him do. Though broken free from the shackles of his human trait, the ignorance and shortsightedness lingered in a mind that knew nothing about caring for a loved one or their coming offspring. From this she came to the conclusion that until the cubs grew old enough to leave home to find dens of their own, this was going to be her way of life, and she sighed wistfully. It was the duty of the dog-fox to provide for the vixen while she nursed, but this was taking it too far!