Now your just somebody that I used to know

Questions you never answered

I sat across the room from that one person I never wanted to picture myself sat next to. Dallas had just left the room I felt like this was something I have to do for myself. I had to find out my own answers of my own history by myself. I have been without her for 4 years and it's really sad to have this feeling, because ever since I was 4 my mother seemed to not care about me anymore. My mom had problems which meant I was never there , sometimes I wish I could use the words "My Mom" around my friends. When my friends talk about their mother and what their moms are doing with them it hits me, it hits my heart like I've been shot cause I want to have a mother who cares enough to let me know that she loves me or when I wake up in the morning and she says "Good Morning did you sleep well?" but those days are gone but until I find out the answers,I'll just keep crying like always when nobody is looking.
I look at my mam she could not even look at my face and I was suppose to be her own blood. Her hands shaking beside her.
I finally feel the courage I look up could this be all I ever wanted to know, the only word I could say was "why?????"
She finally looked at me with tears in her eyes, she held out her hand which I reluctantly placed mine into.
"Why did u just throw me away?" I said sucking in tears
All I could hear was slightly whispers as she had took her eyes off me whispers saying " iam sorry" over and over again.

I didn't know if I was ready for a sorry just yet . but to be fair I didn't know what I wanted I didn't know If I wanted my mam in my life or I just wanted answers who knew. she had been crying on me non stop for what felt like a life time. my hand was still place in hers while she held my arms so protectively like she would never left go. " why cant you answer my question?" I started to get angry

"I I I chosen him over you I was wrong" she said now holding back tears.

"who did you choose?" I said questioning

"your dad......" she said placing her head down. she knew I had always questioned about my dad he has never been in my life since I was born I got told at 2 years old I don't have a daddy and I will never need one but growing older I grew to learn that my dad was the first boy to brake my heart and my mam was the second.

"who is he?" I said with my head in my hands

"its nick Jonas" I could not just believe what came out of her mouth my so called mother is sat here telling me that my dad was one of her old co worker. but it all made sense now because he was the only one my mam does not talk to anymore......

NOTES

IAM SORRY IVE BEEN BUSY WITH EXAMS AND MY LITTLE SISTER WAS IN HOSPITAL SO IT BEEN VERY STRESSFULL I PROMISE NOW I WILL KEEP UP AND UPDATE EVERYDAY LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH DONT FORGET TO READ MY OTHER BOOK MY MOTHER

HAPPY READING

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