Experiment Erudite (A Divergent Story)

Chapter 18-Forgiveness

Jeanine hops off the top of her desk. She walks away from me, reaching the place where Lyra's corpse lied minutes ago. The Erudite leader ignores me as she spins around to take in the city from her wall-covering window. She crosses her arms in contemplation. The sun's beams lighten her blue suit, but not by much. Jeanine's gaze lowers to where the serum crashed. That mess must have been cleaned up too, but I hadn't noticed in my grief.

She takes in a breath, and sighs. Finally, her pupils find mine. "I-"

"You're a monster, Jeanine," I break in. Jeanine grows soft for the first time in years. Her brows furrow as she gapes at me. She resembles the person I knew before Norton. A new feeling overcomes my emotions. After knowing that I can make Jeanine soft, I want to bask in giving her the pain that she gave me. For the first time in a long time, I am done with being the prey. I want to be a predator. I want to make the largest predator, who is in front of me this very moment, my prey. Jeanine's pain shall become my bread.

"Kristen, listen-"

I want to go farther with forcing anguish on Jeanine. "Why should I take a moment to consider the words of someone as malicious as you? Talk all you want, but I hate you for everything that you have ever done to me. I hate you for tearing me from the life I knew; from my family and friends," I can't help but allow the tears that have gathered at my eyes, to fall, "I hate you for becoming like Norton, and for lying to me. I hate you for the pain that you caused me-" Here's the worst part, "And I despise you for the pain you cause others, and-".

Jeanine slams her hand against my cheek. The words that I was going to say, are spilled out of my mouth as empty air. My cheek burns like fire has touched it, even though it never has. Instead of cowering, I dare look back at Jeanine. Her eyes are red from crying. Jeanine has backed away from me by now. She comes back and crouches by my restrained frame. Her eyes stare back into mine with concern and pain. I can feel my bout of resentment loosen. Her cold hand brushes away some of the hair in my face, reminding me of the day we met. The same hand climbs down my other cheek, and settles on it.

"So that is what loss does," Jeanine says softly, "When we lose someone we love, it destroys the chance for affection in some of us." She sighs with new tears forming. Her words hinder the last bit of rage in me. "As illogical as it is, I love you. Kristen, I was caught in my need to take action against the Divergent population, when in it all I was harming you. Ms. Meedle offered you to me. The only thing that I knew about you, was that you had the possibility of being Divergent. Once I met you however, I never had the intention of hurting you. I wanted to work with you. Not on you." Jeanine takes a shuddering breath. This is the most emotional I have seen her yet. "As illogical as it seems, I loved Norton. When I lost him... When you left, I had no one-"

"I'm sorry. As illogical as it is, I love you too," I revealed. I know that choosing Dauntless had a negative effect on Jeanine. But I did it anyway, because of my own selfish fear.

Jeanine smiles, for the first time in forever. It isn't a big smile, but it's one none the less. Tears no longer race down her face. The horror that we were in seems to be fading. Jeanine cups my face in her hands. My cheek still burns, and stings at the press of her fingers, but it doesn't matter anymore. The sun makes the white wall behind her glow. I don't want to feel fear, hatred, loneliness, threatened, hurt, and negative anymore. This nightmare, which has been going on for three years needs to end. It needs to disappear with love.

A large force presses my back into the sharp corner. Jeanine's arms wrap around my body. I want to hug her back, but the handcuffs make that impossible. The metal digs into my boney wrists, reminding me to keep them down. For minutes, Jeanine never lets go of me. When she does, her hands are still pressed on my shoulders, and she is sitting on the floor. Her skirt is raised slightly, but her legs are tucked together. I gaze back into her grey eyes. "Will you work with me?" She asks.