Across the Years ( Camren )

A spiders wed

For this chapter, Lauren will read more about Camz's life. Instead of it being a number of journal entries, I will present it as a cohesive narrative. So we are essentially following along as Lauren reads.

Camila's pov

It is now July of the year of our lord 1868. Some two months after my experience with Miss Grande. I knew it was wrong and sinful, but I simply couldn't resist. It was as if every part of my body and soul wanted it. While it lasted, I felt alive, more alive than I had ever felt. But now she has returned to her home and I'm left with only memories and guilt.

I sinned and I know it. Every Sunday since, I have gone to church and prayed for forgiveness. Prayed that I yield not to such infernal temptations again. But I fail sometimes. Now such unearthly forces have been unleashed, I've found myself thinking unholy thoughts about other women. I must resist for the sake of my own soul.

I dare not tell anyone about these experiences and feelings. Not even Dinah, my closest friend, can I divulge this too. Now I feel sad and alone. I can't help it.

My father has been mentioning Austin Mahone a lot more recently. He's due back from an extensive trip abroad soon and I am to meet my future husband for the first time. I wish I could feel more enthusiasm about this. But I can't.

I can't blame my father, he only wishes me to marry well. The fortunes of my father's family have waned in recent years and he only wishes to restore the status of his children by having them marry well. I can only hope to be happy in this marriage to a man I've never met. But deep down, I'm not sure if I could be happy married to any man.

2 weeks ago, father took Sofi and I to London to see a production of a new play called of all things "Play" by playwright Thomas William Robertson. It was a grand night and we dressed in our finest and took the carriage to the Prince of Wales Theatre on Charlotte Street.

All was fine that summer evening, until the intermission. As we mingled in the lobby with the other theatre goers I spotted Miss Grande. The object of my runaway passion was on the other side of the lobby speaking with some upper class woman that I didn't recognise. My heart as of its own accord, started to beat furiously upon seeing her. What I saw next quickly dragged my spirits back to earth.

Miss Grande was in the presence of a young woman of my age. She was a woman with sandy brown hair, pleasant figure and a small bosom, which my eyes were brought too like a magnet. She was standing close to Miss Grande but said little.

For a moment I watched her eye Miss Grande with a look I knew all too well. It was a look of sinful hunger. It was subtle of course, but to me unmistakable. I'm sure officially she was Miss Grande's latest pupil. In reality, she was much more I'm sure.

I had done my best to push Miss Grande out of my mind, but seeing that other girl with her, raised a jealous monster in me that I hadn't known even existed. Had that young woman looked at me, she would have seen a look of hatred unlike no other. I wanted to be in that's woman's place.

The attendant rang the bell a few moments later, indicating the intermission was almost over and we all walked inside. As we did, Miss Grande briefly looked in my direction and for a moment our eyes met. Seeing her eyes once again focused on me, sent a tingle through my entire body. Once again I longed for her gentle touch.

But the look only was for an instant. She gave me a polite smile and a curt nod, which I returned. A moment later, she and her companion vanished into the crowd.

It was an all to brief foray into heaven and once again I found myself plunged into the depths of hades. It only furthered do lower my spirits even more. Fortunately I managed to put on a very convincing smile. Since my brief liason with Miss Grande, I've been wearing that all too convincing smile quiet a lot.