Journal of John Winchester (Supernatural)

December 11

Sammy has finally started sleeping through the night, and now that Dean shares a bed with him, he's out like a light too. But me . . . I close my eyes and she's there. It always starts the same, I'm seeing her as she was before that night, beautiful and happy and alive. And I'm not seeing it, I'm living it, it's like I'm there . . . it's so real, I know I can reach out and touch her. And so I do . . . I reach out . . . and suddenly I'm back to that night, to the blood and the fire and Mary, Mary is on the ceiling, and how did she get on the ceiling . . . she can't be on the ceiling . . . Here's the weird part. When I wake up, sweating and panting . . . I swear there is something there. I can feel it, hovering over me, over my boys. It's watching, it's waiting, I think it's even mocking me . . . You couldn't stop this. You couldn't keep her safe. You can't keep them safe