Journal of John Winchester (Supernatural)

December 29

Back at the roadhouse. We're going to stay here for a while. I can't just drive around in circles. The boys need a place they can think of as home, even if it doesn't last. And I need a place where I can learn what hunters do. The only holiday spirit I have is bloodlust. I want to kill. The last time I remember feeling like this was Vietnam. But I think we can stay here for a while to get our feet on the ground. Or I can get my feet on the ground, anyway; I don't know what it will take for the boys to feel normal again. Dean hasn't been the same since he saw me kill that shape-shifter. I don't know how to talk to him about it. He's not even five years old. Most kids his age don't even have a clear idea what death is, and he's seen it up close and personal. What do I say to him? How old does he have to be before I tell him the truth?