Suicide ↠ Kellic

Vic

I'm seeing TØP on the 21st !!
There's probably a shit ton of errors or something but I cba going through it again so just ignore it please :)))
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Ignoring Kellin is without a doubt one of the hardest things I've ever done. It started off simple, I would speak to him a little bit, nothing like we used to, I stopped kissing him or holding his hand over time, however now, the panic has begun to set in. Michael would be out of solitary in 2 days, giving me 48 hours to completely disconnected from Kellin. This morning I didn't sleep at all just so I could get out of bed before Kellin woke.

I wish I could tell him, he is constantly looking upset and I can't do anything without a small chance of him getting hurt.

If Michael had maybe only threatened me it would've been fine but it had to be Kellin. My weakness. I've really gotten myself into a mess. If I just stayed calm, didn't run away when Mike arrived, everything would've been fine but I had to go and fuck it all up, and now I'm putting Kellins life in danger and he doesn't even know.

It's going to take all my strength to avoid Kellin.

I took a deep breath and walked into the canteen, Kellin, Tony and Jaime were all sat on the usual table, and Tony took it upon himself to call me over, however I had to ignore.

For Kellin.

Completely blanking him, I shuffled anxiously to an empty table, sitting my face in the palms of my sweaty hands. Not hungry, I picked at the dry pasta in front of me, pushing it around the plate with my fork.

"Vic, right?" I looked up, a girl with long blonde hair sat down on the seat across from mine, she had bright blue eyes and was wearing a pretty pink dress that reached just above her knees.

"I'm Abby," she smiled, "I'm fairly new here."

"How do you know who I am?"

"Everyone is talking about you, my room mate, Anya, won't shut up about last week, where you almost escaped."

I just sighed, wanting to forget the acts of last week.

"Are you going to eat that?" Abby asked, I shook my head.

"Good, follow me," without another option she grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the canteen.

Jaime, Tony and Kellin were all staring at me.

Though they had different expressions.

Jaime looked angry, a crease in his forehead and he glared.

Tony was confused, he looked like he had no idea what was going on.

And Kellin. Kellin. He wore many expressions. The one that stood out the most to me was the look of plead in his eyes. He seemed like he was begging me to go over and make thing like they used to. But I couldn't. And it took every inch of my body to stop myself from going over right there and then to kiss him.

It broke my heart.

Before I could look any longer I was yanked out the room, Abby ahead of me, her hand still in mine.

She led me into and empty room, and sat me down.

"Why are we in here?" I barely was able to whisper. My heart hurt.

"No one likes me round here," she murmured, "they think I'm to preppy, I just thought maybe you'd see me as someone else, you didn't seem bothered when I sat with you," she paused, "but now I see that it was because something else is on your mind."

I just hummed, not taking much interest.

"That boy," she mumbled, " the one you were looking at as we left, you know him?"

"Yeah, it's Kellin, he's my boyf-" and then it loomed on me.

He wasn't my boyfriend.

He can't be.

But I really wanted him to be.

I had to shut my eyes to prevent myself from crying, Abby knew what was wrong. If there were a million people in here they'd all be able to tell that I wasn't okay.

Abby, sensing my none-talkative mood, perked up, "wanna see something cool?"

I shrugged, not really in the mood for anything. I just wanted to sleep. The last few nights I had been up panicking about the situation I'm in.

She pulled up her dress, exposing a pair of plain white panties, causing me to choke at her confidence.

A drew my eyes to her stomach, where her fingers ran over 3 deep scars.

"Pretty gnarly," she sighed, "but they make me who I am."

"Did you do those yourself?" I managed to choke out. The scars were very deep, 2 or maybe 3 inches wide and about 5 inches long.

"Yes-" she began, "well I'm not sure, the hospital thinks I did."

"What do you mean?"

"My dad died when I was 10, he was abusive, he'd hurt my mom and sometimes he'd hurt me. About a year after he died I began 'seeing things' but they were real, I'd see my dad in my dreams, and sometimes I'd see his ghost in the day, haunting me. There was one night though, I dreamt that he was chasing me down the street, when he caught me he pulled out a sharp knife and slashed it across my stomach, 3 times," she ran her finger along each scar, "I woke up bleeding violently, my mother took me to hospital, I tried to explain what happened but they were having none of it. They claimed that I did it myself, even though there was no knives in my room, nothing sharp that I could've done it with."

"Do you still see him now," I asked, curious.

"Every single day," she looked at me with sad eyes, "he never leaves me alone."

"I'm trapped."