my story- unleashed

chapter 13

to my horror he too was there. god why?
as I was late, the only seat left was the one beside him. even my bad luck was mocking at me!
I calmed myself down and walked towards the table, like a good girl I wished Ariel and took the seat.

God knows why did this happen but then it did. 2 of my friends went to place the order. one of them got a call and so walked away for it. the birthday girl spotted her friend and obviously went there to greet her. I was left alone with him.

" hey, are you still mad at me?"

" hey let's not ruin her day. I anyways have no energy to put up a fight with you right now"

" I really don't want to fight with you I don't want to make you cry I don't want you to part away  from me.  I don't care what my parents say phoebe please be mine I'm really sorry I'll make up for this but just return to me"

" do you even know what you're saying? its not a game! what do you think how long would we last this time with the kind of mood swings you have?" I literally screamed on top of my lungs gathering all the attention to us.

" I don't know till how long we'll last I don't know till how long we'll take this but I know that I love you and will for a very very long time. I need you for a very very long time you get that?" he screamed too ,not caring about all the stares we gathered.

"we'll talk about this later okay?"

" no  I want to talk about this now!  I want you back from this very second because you are the drug I fucking can't live without!"

"fine! just stop shouting please!"

till now all my friends were back and were trying to settle things out.

"first say that you've forgiven me and you're mine now?"

"godddd!! I've forgiven you and we're back together"

well to be honest I wanted to be back with him but everything had took a toll on my peace of mind so I wasn't quite sure if it would go any better now.

we ate whatever had come and returned back to our loving  homes.

as soon as I reached back and settled down, I saw there was a text from him.

"notify me when you're home so I know you're fine."

"yeah I reached my house safely after walking a distance of 10 metres." I texted back.

"well I have all my rights back and I can be worried about you" came back as a reply.

it felt good but this weird feeling lingered on inside me. how can everything be so good and nice? how can he change his attitude towards me? how can he say all that I've been dying to hear?

with a lot of thoughts running through my mind I decided to just stop analysing everything and take all the challenges life throws at me with dignity.
I texted him a good night and switched off my phone.

I was sleepy but I couldn't sleep.
I was thirsty but I couldn't drink
I wanted to get up but couldn't
I wanted to breathe but couldn't.

it was a panic attack, the worst of its kind. it had numbed my left arm temporarily for a little while.

next morning me head felt so heavy I had to take a crocin. after settling down a bit I texted him:
"good morning. last night was a little bad. left arm numb. i'll be fine."

instantly he reverted "you better take care and no stepping out today"

I went for a bath after that. I probably slept the whole day.
days went by and we completed 5 months.
if you were wondering everything had been smooth all the while, it wasn't.
the goodness just lasted for a week and he was back to being rude and disinterested but somehow I had managed to keep us from breaking though we had our tough times and a hell lot of fights. he never talked only fought but then we would work out knowing we cannot let go of each other. we cannot let go of something we had tried so hard for.

I hadn't realized that sometimes letting go is a better option than holding on to something which was dead.

I still had hope that whatever the circumstances have been, our feelings towards each other are true and we can make it till the end. we've tried so hard and maybe things might get better with time.
sometimes they get worse.

it was November. his birthday month.
I had planned everything and all the gifts were ready.
I thought from now on everything might get better because the gift included a letter with all my feelings. whatever I feel and think, all my thoughts in the purest form.