Find Your Way

Chapter Ten

Jade's POV

"Shobe.." I was currently sitting at the pool side, while my feet are dangling in its warm water, when I heard my brother Paul called out from behind.

I was staring blankly at my reflection on the clear water while contemplating of how messed up I am right now.

"Ahya.." I answered while I slowly looked up to him. He propped himself beside me and I instantly rest my head on his right shoulder.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He asked after a good 5 minutes of silence between us.

I let out a long sigh then speak, "I don't want to get engaged with David, you know that. Hindi ko alam kung paano ako makakatakas sa sitwasyon ko na 'to, especially right now that Ahya Gab and Pearl is already married. Pakiramdam ko, nauubos na yung panahon ko para makagawa ng paraan at dadating na lang yung araw na, nanjan na. Wala na kong choice kundi pumayag na lang." I sadly explained to him while I didn't notice I'm already crying. I harshly wipe my tears that were cascading down my face because I feel so disappointed about myself.

It's been a week since my brother and his fiancée got married. And it's starting to scare me since napapadalas ang pagdalaw ni David dito sa amin.

Last night, his family and mine took dinner together here in our house. My father and Tito Mike were boldly conversing about David and I's upcoming engagement party. My mother was all smile and completely ignoring my presence while Ahya Paul and I are quietly eating. My eldest brother, Ahya Gab, and Pearl were on their week long honeymoon which was given to them by our parents.

I felt like my temper is rapidly rising that time and anytime soon, I'll burst out with anger then shout at their faces how insensitive and controlling they are. I will constantly clutch my fist, grit my teeth and clench my jaw to restrain me from doing so.

Ahya Paul can surely feel my arising tension so he would glance at me and give an assuring smile. Ama, who was seated across from me, will also smile at me as if saying, "don't worry, hija. I'm here for you."

"Have you talk to David about this?" Paul asked me, pulling me out from my reverie.

"I tried once, after that heated encounter between me and our oh so loving parents." I said sarcastically making me scoff and Paul to chuckle. "I went to his office but he hasn't had any ideas about the plan kaya hindi ko nasabi kaagad. You know how much pain I've already caused him after we broke up, at hindi kaya ng konsensya ko na saktan na naman siya." I added but he remained silent as if asking me to go on, so I did.

"I already told Sally about this and we came up with a plan. Although at first, I was hesitant pero wala naman na din akong magagawa so I agreed. Binigyan ko ng chance yung samin ni David at see if my feelings towards him will change. If the love I had for him will slowly be rekindled but.." I paused to swallow a lump that's been building up on my throat.

"Pero hindi nangyari?" Paul continued my speech and I just nodded.

"You know how amazing guy David is, pero ako talaga yung may problema. Hindi ko alam bakit I fell out of love when all he did was to make me feel loved. Puro pagmamahal ang binigay niya sa akin pero puro pasakit ang nakuha niyang kapalit noon and it's all because of me. Masama ba kong tao, Ahya? Ito na ba yung karma ko dahil ang insensitive kong tao?"

Ahya Paul slowly pulled away to face me. He gently holds both of my hands before speaking. "No, Shobe. 'Wag na 'wag mong iisipin na masama kang tao dahil lang nagpakatotoo ka sa sarili mo. Yes, it's true na you hurt David before but you can't deny you've hurt yourself too, right? I know you Shobe. As much as possible, ayaw mong makakasakit ng tao. As much as possible, you would've take all the pain para lang 'wag magsuffer yung mga tao sa paligid mo. That's how selfless you are. So no, hindi ka masamang tao."