Dear Calum (Calum)

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Dear Calum,

Hiiii Calum. It’s just me, like always, writing you a letter every week like I promised. You know what I’ve been thinking about lately? All of our memories. We have so many amazing, wonderful, fun memories. Like our first date, and how it went terrible. 

I still don’t understand why you took me to the beach in 8 degree weather. Remember when you tried to ‘lightly’ push me and ended up shoving me into ice cold water? I still haven’t gotten over that, jerk. 

Or remember how we tried to re-do our first date, and it ended up being worse? I always told you not to eat at that damn restaurant. You threw up all over me! I won’t lie, I think I showered 8 times a day for about 2 weeks. The smell still sticks with me, I will never forget that, and I kinda wish I would.

Remember when you finally decided to ask me to be your girlfriend? It was cute, when you held both of my hands and smiled with that cute smirk. We had our first kiss that night, too. It was night, and it was snowing. You took me to a cliff, an over-view of the city. It was absolutely beautiful, I still remember what you told me, ‘You’re more beautiful than this view, you know that?’ Ha! You’re such a liar. Then on our way home we got a flat tire, and had to walk nearly an hour back to your place. That’s okay though, I’m glad we got to spend that night together.

One of my favorite memories is when you took me to the county fair. I still find it funny how you spent nearly 30 dollars on that bottle toss game to get me that big bear. By the way, I still have it. I give it a quick kiss every night! Well, maybe not every night, but you get the point.

Then the time you asked me to prom. The way you asked was so cute, mainly because when you were trying to say it you looked as if you would pass out in moments. You had your friends hold up huge signs in front of the whole school at that assembly. Everyone cheered and awe’d, I’m pretty sure I cried, but I still can’t remember if I did or not.

Then the actual prom, which was a disaster. I remember telling you before we left the house, ‘don’t you think that tux is a little too tight?’ and you replied, ‘not at all!’. You were so wrong. Your pants ripped all the way up your bum, i’m surprised your underwear didn’t split too. 

Next comes graduation. The only reason I bothered to remember that day is because of your speech, I’m gonna tell you my favorite parts of it. ‘I also want to thank my beautiful girlfriend. We got together as freshman, and here we are, seniors, graduating, and still going strong.’ Now that I can remember I did cry. It was a good cry! 

College was rough for me since you decided not to go, but I’m glad I did, I met so many amazing people, Cal. You would have loved it. Over the past 5 years we had been through so much. 

So much happiness, so many fights, so many tears. But I can honestly say I’m so glad I spent them with you. Everything was perfect, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

But that year on Christmas Eve, everything changed. 

Calum, I would have been fine without a present. You didn’t have to go to the store at 11 p.m to find me something. Believe me, the best present would have been waking up to you in our bed the next day,not in a hospital chair hoping for you to wake up. 

They never got to arrest the guys who shot up the store, they killed themselves right after they hit their only victim.

You.

I remember getting a call from the hospital. I never wanted to hear the words, ‘he has been shot’. Especially on Christmas Eve. 

It’s been 7 months since I lost you, and not one day passes where I don’t think about you. You’re my every thought. Sometimes I think to myself, ‘maybe it’s possible he’ll come back.’ But I know it isn’t. 

I just like to think there is hope, you know?

But as much as I hate to say, I know there isn’t. But I do know you’re watching over me, laughing at the jokes I say, smiling when you see me happy, and beating yourself up when I’m having a down day.

I miss you so much, Calum. Please remember that. I hope you haven’t forgotten about me. I’ll never forget about you. Remember that, also.

Love always,

Me xx

Oh dear fucking god, I think I have tears rolling down my cheeks. So this one was written by 5saucepreferences on Tumblr. :)

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