Purity // Zico

1

"Phobia- an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something."

Chapter One

The crowded streets of a never ending city of excitement known as Seoul were just as normal to someone who lived there all their life. Citizens spent their time shopping, drinking until early hours or just wandering the streets aimlessly looking for something to do. Shop keepers did their best to sell their meaningless objects to make a living; cars started and stopped every of second with horns blaring. People were in such a rush nowadays never seeming to take in the beauty that surrounded them on a daily basis. So many people took so much for granted now, if only they could truly see. But not many people liked to step outside of their daily routine probably in fear of some sort of change that could affect their lives. The ring of the door opening to the coffee shop continued to ring, voices loud and clear coming from the customers.

A sigh left my lips as I set down my cup of coffee, hands shaking slightly. My addiction to coffee was what kept me grounded, calm. When my nerves were up, you could bet on what caffeine filled liquid I would be drinking.

"You know you're gonna die drinking that stuff, right Chan?" a soft chuckle sounded behind me.

"Then I'll die drinking what I love." I giggled, turning to see my friend Ming.

"Sorry I'm a little late, I got caught up."

"It's fine." My mouth twitched upwards slightly as I brought my drink back to lips.

"I swear you can't function without that stuff." She sighed staring me down, "besides, get me anything?"

"I thought you hated coffee."

"You're right, I do."

Liu Ming has been a friend for as long as time could say. More of a sister really; a rock especially. We grew up in Xiamen, China together; next door neighbors, school mates. Together we could probably take over the world if we wanted, with her stubbornness and my brains. That's probably why we left China- to make something of ourselves the best we could. Millions of people occupy China, never getting to experience freedom or an outside life, there was no want for us to become like our parents. I missed my mom most of all though, leaving her with my brother and most of all my father, probably wasn't the smartest of ideas I've ever had.

"Do we have plans for the rest of the day?"

"No."

"Okay."

"Sunhye wants to get together." Ming crossed her arms, "we haven't hung out in awhile so I say we go."

"To her place?" A group of teenagers passed by giving us extra glances, hearing mandarin must not have been something they experienced on a daily basis.

"Yeah, her boyfriends been busy so she wants to make us dinner; catch up."

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

"That sounds nice." Setting down my cup, some coffee spilled-

"Your hands, they shake a lot," Ming pointed out, "you need to cut back."

"I know. But it's calming."

She took a napkin letting it soak up the formerly hot liquid, "It's unhealthy, that's what it is... It's why you're so short and why you look like a twelve year old boy."

"I do not." I pouted, "that was like two years ago in high school."

"Suit yourself." Ming wasn't, so to say, the nicest person you'd ever meet. She could be harsh, overly protective, blunt, closed-minded, and very cold when you first meet her; but she's not that bad. Yes, she may be a controlling freak at times and holds major grudges against men... By now I'm quite used to how she is, besides I need someone stable in my life, who can help make my decisions for me. It's always been that way between us anyways.

Growing up was somewhat traumatic; an abusive father, distant mother, and a jerk of a brother. It's the reason I am who I am today, whether that be a good or bad thing. Opening up to someone I don't know is impossible, it can take sometimes a month or two just to start trusting them. The anxiety I feel from socializing with someone new, especially male was horrific. The sweating, nausea, trembling, and utmost fear of losing control was consuming. It was my own phobia I was forced to live with because of my father.

The best way to describe it was like drowning.

***

Rain poured down onto the never empty streets as people scurried to take cover or get to their location. There was no need for you people to be so scared of some water; it wasn't like they'd melt... Soon my eyes wandered off to a couple, holding hands and enjoying each other's company. What was that like? To hold hands with a guy, to even be around one properly? It was strange for me to think about but soon that thought was met with a panic rising in my chest.

"Why do you just stare out the window? I get we live like three floors up, but isn't it boring?"

"No, it's nice to just watch."

"The world or something?"

"Yeah..." I smiled softly to myself,

"You daydream too much. Dreaming gets you nowhere unless you actually do." Ming was negative as usual, especially towards something she didn't agree with.

"I know." Carefully without sparing a glance, I brought the warm coffee mug up to my lips.

A thump of books hitting the table behind me sounded, "You're an addict."

"I know."

"Then quit."

"Okay." We constantly argued about that one pointless topic, and it always led to that ending; which we both knew wouldn't be happening anytime soon. Besides, how else was I supposed to get by?

I flinched at the sudden sound of my phone ringing:

"Hello?" I answered softly.

"Hey there Chan~"

"Hi Sunhye how are you?"

"Oh I'm good dear, you?"

"Fine." She could probably hear how my voice was shaking slightly, how it did right after a caffeine fix,

"Good good. I just wanted to call to make sure you're down for dinner tomorrow."

"Yes I am, Ming told me."

"I figured, but I wanted to tell you that Yukwon will be at the studio so there should be no males in the proximity of us. I did my best to make sure of that."

"Thank you. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize! Just wanted to let you know so this didn't keep you up all night."

"Okay." I yawned slightly, "I'm going to sleep, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sleep tight~"

Sunhye was such a kind lady. She was somehow a friend of Ming's family and really helped us adapt to life in Korea. The only thing that worried me about being around her was because the guy she was dating almost always had six other guys trailing along with him- and that within itself was a disaster waiting to happen. Of course I was aware of who they were so they couldn't be horrible people, but I don't take my chances.

Once my head hit my pillow, none of my thoughts wanted to shut up. It was probably my own fault, too much coffee. 'Certified insomniac' was what Ming referred to me as. I've learned to no longer take offense to that.

It was going to be a long night for sure though, tossing and turning... I did truly hate it. The feeling of never having enough rest, being on the verge of passing out all the time; it was horrid. I could feel my eyes throb as I attempted to close them, just desperately wanting some sleep.