Purity // Zico

4

"Quiet thoughts mend the body."

Chapter Four

The ride back to the studio was awkwardly quiet. No one really knew what to say; it had been a stressful day, lots of arguments and frustrated words were shared. If someone spoke they were probably scared of retaliation or someone lashing back. Darkness had officially taken over the sky mirroring the moods of everyone in the car. The only lights were either radiated from the car's dash or from the streets and buildings that surrounded.

What the hell could I have possibly done to make that girl freak out the way she just did? I didn't even touch her... Honestly what the fuck, like okay.

"Who were those two girls?" Kyung broke the silence in the car as we made our way back to the studio.

Yukwon replied, "Chan and Ming."

"Who was the girl I pretty much made cry?" I asked curious.

"Chan. Don't take it personally, she has a hard time interacting with people is the simplest way to put it."

"Why?"

"Bad childhood I think, Sunhye won't elaborate."

Oh.. that would make sense then. A slight guilt gnawed at me- it's never an intention of mine to make someone upset that's done nothing wrong, she looked perpetually terrified. To make it worse, she seemed so young and sickly on top of that. It just seemed like a reminder that no matter how bad you thought you had it growing up, someone had it a lot worse.

"She's sweet though, won't really talk to me. But her friend Ming, you ever see her just steer clear. Run."

"Why's that?" P.O asked from way back,

"I feel bad saying this but she's a bitch. Treats Chan horribly, but I'm not sure who else she has though." Getting a slight read up on these two girls felt wrong seeing as I had no idea who they were or had even actually met them; but it's not like I'm going to be seeing them again. But still, something about that girl was stuck in my mind.

***

"Why do you always have to ruin everything Chan? There were idols in the same fucking room as us and you went and flipped out!"

"That's not my fault..." at this point even trying to reason with Ming was futile. Stuck on and with her ways, no one could change her.

"Why do you have to be this way!?"

I had no words left to mutter out. It seemed like in the world relationships with just about anyone were ever perfect. People are so worried about themselves that loyalty and those who should matter just don't. Honesty and feelings never go hand in hand; instead anger is lashed out in its place. I always thought that having too many people in your life caused misery and drama, so I stuck with my "best friend," but it just seemed like time and time again that she hurt me. I can't help that I have anxiety issues when it comes to guys, I didn't ask for that; but Ming just seems to forget it easily.

Getting to see my friends, true people who cared, took my mind off of the ordeals of last night. Sunhye sent so many apology texts- I even got one from Yukwon. I never understood why she wanted me to have his number, maybe in case of an emergency? But it was a kind gesture by him either way.

"You're not gonna say anything? Well fine, I'm gonna head out." I knew where she'd be going. It saddened me to think about how little she cared about her body or her well being, but Ming was stubborn.

"Bye..." I barely whispered before she snatched up her purse, put on the heels and stormed out. This had been my life the past few weeks. Why it had gotten worse with my best friend, I had no idea.

My night would soon consist of hours of studying, even though I didn't need it. I had near perfect grades; what else would I be doing if I spend all my time inside? I knew Ming was struggling, she had to drop some courses. But education was of upmost importance to me, though studying was exhausting and not my ideal night- it had to be done.

James: Ming not home? Can I come over?

Studying was going to have to be postponed to another night now... arguing with James was also pointless.

Me: yah, she's gone

James: open your door

A soft chuckle escaped my lips; of course he would already be here.

"Hey.." I smiled opening my door to my American friend. He looked a mixture of how he always did and upset.

"I need to vent. And you always need to so-"

"You go first."

We took a seat on my couch after I made us both tea; hot drinks relieved all... "I feel like Mari won't believe that I love her and I'm trying to hard.."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much. Just continue to show her you care."

"What would you want out of a guy Chan?"

"Huh?"

"If you were to ever date a guy, what would you want. I feel like if I took some of that it could work since I feel like whatever guy ends up with you will be perfect."

My brows furrowed as I thought. I don't believe I've ever been actually asked that question. Really, I wasn't even sure myself what I wanted out of a boyfriend, "I'm not sure."

"Just think. You read, watch TV, what qualities do you find attractive. Forget about your androphobia for a few minutes and think about what you'd want."

"Okay well..." I sighed heavily, "I'd want a guy who could understand me and I could easily talk to and be myself around."

"I'd say Mari's comfortable around me."

"I would too. Um," I blushed, "he'd have to be kinda protective, like if I started having an anxiety attack he could help me."

"You need someone older."

"Do I? Older guys always scare me the most."

"You're my best friend Chan, I know you."

"You're not here about you and Mari aren't you?" It finally dawned on me,

"Nope! And I've gotten so much out of you these past few minutes than in two years." He laughed, "you may hate me for saying this, but you need a boyfriend. You have me and Lucas, that means you can deal with any guy since you can deal with us! Besides, didn't your therapist say that was a good idea?"

"Well yah... but I can't just go out and magically find a boyfriend. It doesn't really work like that."

"I know, but you'll figure it out soon."