Purity // Zico

20

"Where there is life, there is hope."

Chapter Twenty

"I-I uh..." Jiho's words burned into my skin, my thoughts jumbling, everything shutting down. I didn't want him knowing, not this early, not like this.

"Chan-" I backed into the countertop as he moved towards me. I flinched, only to feel Jiho's arms wrap around me, feeling his chin on my head, "hey... hey...." he cooed in a comforting voice, "you can talk to me. I need to know these things, so I can help, be there for you."

"Jiho..."

Then his voice turned more serious, "why didn't you tell me? Even when we were just friends?"

"I don't like people knowing." my voice cracked slightly, as I tried to hold my tears in, "you'll hate me-"

"Don't you say that." forcefully he grabbed my hand dragging me towards the couch. As I sat, Jiho crouched down in front of me, taking my hands into his, "listen to me. You have nothing to be ashamed of because of this, I know your past in China wasn't the best- I don't know the specifics; but people go through shit all the time, I've struggled with a lot myself." he sighed, "I wish I had known before, but now that I do, I'm gonna make sure that you're okay." he leaned in pressing his lips to mine, "talk to me okay?"

"Yes oppa."

He chuckled, "there we go." he kissed me again, "now. I have another serious question for you."

"Yeah?"

"The other day when your friends brought up those razors... um," running his fingers through his hair he continued, "do you cut?"

"No- well... I used to."

"When was the last time?" he looked visibly upset.

"When I was in China."

"Good, I'm glad. Over two years right?"

"Yes. Except-"

"Except what?"

"Do you remember the day you asked me out?"

"Well of course pabo, I was so happy."

"You know how I asked you to come over cause I needed to see you?"

"Mhmm. It was the same day as the razors text..." I saw a 'light' go off in his eyes. He understood, "you almost cut yourself that day..."

"Yeah..."

"Am I the reason you're okay?"

"I know it sounds all clingy or weird by saying yes but it's just I feel like I can't do this to myself cause you'll be affected by it..." I looked away, not wanting to meet his gaze. I had no idea how Jiho would react to something like this; I know he's a harsh person with his own opinions so this could go wrong.

"Baby look at me." he brought our eyes level with one another's, "I care about you. And yes, we've only dated for over a month, but we've known each other much longer. I fell for you way before I asked you to be mine. Even before hearing you talk about this, I knew there was something. Chan, remember I also know about your androphobia. Remember that as well. I know what I was 'getting myself into' by asking you out, and I care about you too much to leave or ever judge you for this. But I want you to be safe, happy, and healthy..."

By this time tears were falling. I was a broken mess who had all the problems in the world, yet Jiho doesn't care. He still wants me... "Y-you shouldn't have to deal with this."

"I shouldn't have to?" Sitting besides me, he pulled me into his lap. I could feel his chest rise and fall, and I knew his gaze would be boring into me.