Purity // Zico

18

"Love is not about possession, it's all about appreciation."

Chapter Eighteen

It may sound cliché, but there was something different about being in a relationship; almost like it was defining. Granted, just 'being' with someone has really no effects on you completely, something just seems different. At times it felt as if when someone looked at me, they knew; knew I was dating Zico. At times I even felt vulnerable about it.

He had been gone for a couple of weeks due to promotions, shows, photoshoots, KCON, and just his life in general. But it wasn't that hard for me. Yes it would've been nice to see him some more because we just got together, but it didn't bother me. I knew what I was getting myself into by saying yes..... And now here we are, our one month and really I have no idea what to do. We texted frequently, skyped once or twice- but I'm not necessarily a clingy person, so I had no idea how to even send him a message about what today was. Honestly I may just not. It's just a month.

But really, how do relationships even work? The whole concept is puzzling and so strange. Someone else has this key to all your emotions, life, and you're completely letting them in. How is this different than friendship? The only words binding us are a simple question and my reply.

It's scary and sometimes I find myself not being able to breathe.

My mind wandered off to the tv's noise in the background, some wedding show was on. A soft pitter of rain sounded against the windows. It was a dreary day, much like how my emotions had been over these few weeks. Things were getting better since I knew I had to shape up, for Jiho. But of course some days weren't always my best.

*knock knock*

Ming was spending the night who knows where, so I had no idea who would be coming to see me at nine o'clock at night?

Skipping over to the door, I was met with a pleasant surprise when I opened it up, "Jiho!"

"Hey." he looked tired, dark bags under his eyes. I welcomed him with a hug, his arms enclosed around me tightly. He was slightly damp from the rain outside, but it was comforting having him here with me again.

"I thought you were still-"

"We weren't doing much so I came back early."

I smiled up at him, "I'm glad!"

"Besides, I wanted to see you on our one month." He smiled, stepping inside.

"Y-you remembered." I blushed speaking softly.

"I don't have a horrible memory Channie, besides I figured you wouldn't say anything about it because you're too shy." he leaned down to kiss my forehead. I shivered at the contact of his plump lips against my skin... he never failed to make butterflies 'fill' my stomach whenever he did stuff like that.

"I-it's kinda late I didn't think anyone would be coming over..."

"It's fine babe, is it just you here right now?"

"Yeah, I'm not sure where Ming is exactly."

"Alright." taking a seat on one of my couches, he placed his feet up on the coffee table, "come here."

I nodded, obeying, placing my body against his own. Jiho's arms holding me close as I laid there on top of him. The warmth of my body caressed his cold skin, making me shiver. I felt content, like I could have been this way for hours, my legs bent and straddled over his, knees hugged tight to his hips. I kept arms wrapped gently around his neck loosely. He could probably feel my chest expand and contract on top of his as I breathed in a faint smell of shampoo and cologne. He tightened his grasp around my waist as he pressed another kiss to my head.

"You're beautiful Chan..." Jiho whispered into my hair,

"N-no..."

"You've never been kissed before, correct?" It was a random question, catching me off guard.

"I-I haven't." I blushed into his chest, not wanting him to see my embarrassment.

"I should probably change that, shouldn't I?" In an instant Jiho flipped me so my back pressed to the couches fabric. He lingered over me, staring into my eyes, "I wanna make this special for you..." he chuckled kissing my cheek. I was in awe of him as I was trapped beneath him, some of his weight pressed up against me. It was comforting having him so close, but it didn't stop my nerves from seeping up into my head.

But soon it all went away as I felt his lips press to mine. I felt still, mouth dry as he pushed further, lips fervently moved against mine sweetly. It was a light searing sensation filled with love; but I fumbled, lost, not knowing what to do. As quick as it had begun, it was over.

"How was that?"

"G-good, I-I didn't-"

"Know what to do?" He smirked at me, his vision downcasted back onto my lips.

I started heating up under his stare, "Yeah..."

Jiho pressed a soft, quick to my lips before getting off top of me, "you're adorable."

I didn't want to be seen in such a vulnerable, lost state, the awkwardness of not knowing what I was supposed to do, "d-did you just get back?" I played with my fingers, looking down.

"Pretty much. I stopped home to freshen up because I wasn't showing up here looking like a mess." Jiho's hand brought my chin up so our eyes were on the same level. There was no escaping this situation.

"Being with me doesn't make you uncomfortable right?" Of course I knew what he was trying to get at, and I was glad he understood to an extent.

"No! I-I... I really adore you Jiho..." he smiled, "it's just I've never dated before and I feel awkward and-"

"Shh," he placed a finger against my lips, "don't worry. That's not your fault, and you'll learn as times goes by."

"You're so sweet." I giggled pulling on his shirt, making it my turn to place an innocent kiss to his lips, pulling away instantly.

The rest of our night was shared in each other's arms, cuddling on the couch. It was quiet but intimate no words being needed as we watched tv, exchanging sweet kisses occasionally.

So much of my perspective had changed since I met Jiho, I could only be thankful I allowed him into my life. But I was still scared that he'd find out about mental illness, more about how bad my past was, and resent me. After all this I couldn't lose him.