"The friendship of a gentleman is insipid as water."
Chapter Twenty-Four
My stomach was in knots as I approached the door to Jiho's apartment. There was no doubt that tonight was not going to be fun- most likely I was going to get yelled at. Who knows really. I wished constantly that Jiho would remember how sensitive I was about things, this wouldn't end well. But I was willing to take full responsibility for this whole ordeal.
Jiho opened the door and I couldn't begin to make any sorts of eye contact with him. I didn't want to see the anger in his eyes or whatever emotion there was that I wouldn't like.
"Chan, look at me."
I couldn't.
"Look, I'm not mad-" from his voice, I could differently.
"Yes you are." the confidence found in my own voice shocked me, "I shouldn't have-"
"No listen."
"I'm sorr-" immediately I was cut off as a pair of lips forcefully were shoved onto my own. Soon I felt my back hit a wall behind me, Jiho adding more weight into our already heated kiss,
"I wasn't gonna say anything," he hissed hardly pulling away, "but you're right, I'm fucking pissed."
"O-oppaa-" I had no words to leave my mouth before Jiho pulled me to him once again lowering his lips to mine. I could only close my eyes as our lips touched, feeling a zap of electricity as the kiss grew more passionate by the moment. My head started to spin; I clutched desperately to him, my back still lodged against the wall. I felt his hands pull me closer by my waist, as close as he physically could. The urgency in the kiss was unbearable for me, but probably even worse for him. He had so much emotion pent up and now he was trying to release it.
But it soon became too much as Jiho's lips lingered from my lips onto my jawline and then down to my neck. His lips were warm and soft, but that pleasure was gone as he started to nibble and suck- there was no doubt either that there was going to be marks.
***
"I'm sorry..." Jiho whispered into my neck, placing a few more stray kisses.
"About what? I already apologized for-"
"No, we're past that. I'm apologizing about all the marks that are starting to form...."
"Oh..." I of course wanted to see exactly what he was talking about, but I also didn't want to, "no ones ever given me hickeys before..." I muttered kind of annoyed.
"Then be expecting them more." he chuckled, "but no, I'm really sorry for getting so upset earlier.."
"It's oka-"
"No. I was being insensitive towards you and the fact you do have male friends. I'm trying to put it into a perspective, maybe it's yours, that I have to work with tons of other girls so you could easily give me just as hard of a time as I've been giving you. And I'm sorry."
It was good of him to think about the situation that way. It was fairly true, "you do get to be around a lot of pretty girls..." always having been an insecure person about myself it did worry me about how I didn't live up to any beauty standards at all.
"That may be true. But nobody compares to you in my books Chan. Seriously." Jiho pecked my cheek, lips warm against my skin.
"Thanks..." there was no other way for me really to respond. I already felt bad about how this whole day played out, and now I slowly started to feel like a burden to him.
Jiho hugged my waist tightly keeping me against his chest, "Chan?"
"Yes?"
"How are you?"
"What do you mean-"
"Like how are you actually?And I'm being serious with that question."
A tingling sensation ran down my spine hearing his words- I knew what he was talking about. But apart of me didn't want to think he actually was talking about it; depression, "I'm fine."
"I'm pretty sure that's a lie."
"I've been fine lately. Please don't worry." he pulled my chin level to his, so our eyes met.
"Princess, it never bothers me when you wanna talk..."
"But I don't have anything to talk about regarding that..." I watched as Jiho sighed running fingers through his hair. He seemed slightly annoyed, "I'm sorry-"
"Don't be but please remember I'm here."
"But this shouldn't have to be a topic we're on a lot I-"
"Chan quit it."
"Huh?"
The serious look on his face had my full attention, "Don't think that I'm bothered by this. I don't think you understand how much I worry about you. It almost helps me when we talk about it cause I need to know how you are."
A gradual feeling of frustration rose up in my chest. I didn't know why Jiho couldn't just back off about this. Couldn't he see I was upset? "Jiho please. I'm fine so can we drop it?"
"If you really want, but it was also just a simple question." his statement only reminded me of how much he couldn't relate with me about this, and how much he didn't understand.
"It's not that simple to me Jiho." a wave of emotions came over me, tears began to well in my eyes. I felt pressured, hated-
As if he could read my thoughts or clearly see how this was affecting me- "Oh my god I'm not trying to upset you!" he pulled me tightly into his arms, whispering 'I'm Sorry' over and over again.
"Y-you're okay." my voice cracked, tears slipping down my cheeks.
"No I'm so so sorry."
I hated making Jiho feel bad- especially when he thinks he's done something to offend or hurt me. People at one point or another always get bored of me- he probably will once he starts to realize I'm a complete wreck; lost cause; waste of time.
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[Zico's hour long V Live App broadcast was amazing! Literally all the guys but Zico and Jaehyo were drunk xD we got Taeil and Kyung dancing to Drake in robes, Bbomb in underwear he says are shorts and PO I don't even know xD and then Jaehyo's in the bath so we saw that... overall it was the best hour of my life I swear]
