I was having a bad day. A really bad day. It all started with that Jimmy and I had a fight when I didn't want to join them to the beach. When I didn't want to leave bed that morning. He got mad at me like always when I did that and I got even angrier at him for not letting me be by myself.
So the guys and Myra went to the beach while I stayed at my parents place.
I sat in my bed when my mother knocked on the door and walked in. "Rhaea?" she said.
I looked up on her.
"What is it with you today?" she asked and sat down on my bed.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I'd been noticing this past week when all of you've been here that you're not as… happy as you used to be before you left for America", she said. "And now you're not even leaving the bed? Is it Jimmy? Are you unhappy with him?"
"What? No mom it's nothing like that", I said.
"Then what is it?" she asked.
"I… I don't know. I can't talk about it", I said.
"And why is that?"
"Because I don't know what's wrong. All I know is that I feel sad all the time. I feel like… I don't have anyone in this world even though I know that I do."
"I don't know if I really understand what you're trying to say Rhaea", she said.
"See! I don't know either. I'm just confused about anything", I sighed.
"What is there that you can be so confused about?"
"That's what I don't know! I don't know anything mom. All I know is that I'm sick and tired of life for some reason and I don't know what to do about it", I said.
Mom just looked at me. Probably not knowing what to answer.
"And you're sure that this hasn't anything to do with Jimmy?" she asked.
"Yes! The only problem Jimmy and I have is that I keep pushing him away because I don't know have to face the day. He's the only thing that's actually makes me want to go on. He's the one that makes me want to try to feel better. I just never succeed."
We sat there for a while. Mom tried to figure out me without any luck. She then left just as frustrated as anyone did when they spoke to me these days and left me feeling even shittier than I already did. I couldn't take this anymore.
It didn't get any better later that evening when Jimmy came home. I could already see how pissed he was when he walked into the room and started to put all his clothes in his bag.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"I've done some thinking and I can't do this anymore Rhaea", he said. "I'm going home."
"Wh… what?" was all I could say.
"I can't deal with this whole depression thing of yours! I don't want to deal with this anymore", he said.
Was… was he breaking up with me? I did not see this coming. Not at all.
I didn't even know what to respond to him. I just sat there in the bed and watched him pack his stuff. He was walking towards the door when I finally said something.
"Jimmy don't go!" I said.
"I have to Rhaea", he said.
I could see on his face just how much it hurt him to do this.
"I need you", I said and tears started to fall down my cheeks.
"I'm sorry", he said and walked out through the door.
I didn't go after him. He was right. He had to go. I couldn't keep him with me longer and I knew that. It wasn't fair to him. It was really easier to think that I had to let him go than to actually do it. I laid down in the bed and cried my eyes out. It was over.
Myra and the rest of the guys went home that night too and I went to my own apartment where I would be left totally alone. After all, that was all I was good at these days, being alone.
