Wretched and Divine-An Andy Biersack FanFic

Chapter 18

trigger warning af

Andy's POV:

Oh my fuck what have I done I should have explained or something...

I turned towards Juliet, the woman I used to love.

"I think you have to go" I said quietly

"No, shes gone now whats the point of chasing after a lost cause?" she snapped

"You are the lost cause" I snapped back, "I know I asked you here but I wanted you to take your ring back and sell it, I don't want to see it or have any memory of it, that means you must take it" I walked into the kitchen and saw the ring was on a different counter

Xandra...

I picked it up and gave it to Juliets shaking hand, she looked down at it in sadness

"This was our life Andy why should we throw it away for a brat like her?" she said stepping closer to me

"No, I don't love you anymore. Leave please" I said assertively

"Aw but babe..."

"NO Juliet just NO! Leave!" I yelled, she looked taken aback

"Fine" she walked out of the house, leaving me to myself.

Xandra's POV:

This isn't the worst thing in the world...others have gone through so much more than I am right now I can live through this

Then why do I hurt SO much

Its deep down inside me...so deep my chest hurts

Please help me?

No I don't need anyone

My mind was whirling as I trudged forward, the cold getting in my lungs making me more and more numb as I walked on

Snow was gathering on my shoulders and my hair, my shoes were wet to the core and I couldn't feel my feet. Frozen lines were on my face

But I couldn't feel any of this above what I was feeling inside

Its not just Andy...Edna...the doctor...my parents...my mother my father...

I sunk to my knees, my skin flushed red because of the cold

No keep moving

I stood up stiffly and saw a little house, I walked up to it and knocked on the door

An old lady opened the door slowly, her hunched shoulders and grey hair giving her a fragile look

"Please...do you have any spare time that I may use your washroom" I said quietly

"Of course hun...are you alright sweetie?" she said her voice full of concern

"Yes I'm fine thank you, I just need your washroom"

I went inside the warm house and past the washroom, I went to the kitchen and grabbed a little knife then went to the washroom, the old lady was standing by the washroom as I got to it

"what have you got there girl?" she said looking at my hand

"Nothing its fine"

"no its no-"

I ran past her before she could say another word, I flew out the door and down the street the wind making my hair flow loosely behind me

I felt bad for stealing the knife but

I really didn't

I soon had to stop running, my breath hitching in my throat. As soon as I caught my breath I continued my walk.

The only thing different were the lines up and down my arms, my blood drying quickly in the cold air.

I slid the cold blade across my arm

You are pathetic, why are you cutting you coward? you haven't in so long

but I need this...I don't want to be alive anymore

whats the point of living if everything you love leaves

whats to live for then

Tears slipped out of my eyes as I walked on, blood dripping in the white snow as it flowed freely down my arm.

I slid the blade over my arm again and again.

You deserve this pain anyways, its your fault Andy left, its your fault your parents died...its...its my fault I feel this way.

Its my fault I have depression

Its my fault I have attacks

I am weak, I am nothing.

Who would love someone like me

Who would want a self pitying, self harming bitch who doesn't even know how to keep her tears at bay

Why was I granted this life, out of all the people here...why me

I want to die and I want to live how is this possible

The blade dug deeper

 I am nothing

I am worthless

I am faithless

I should be dead.

Blood ran faster as I struggled against the snow and cold.

I started to write on my arms

'I am nothing' was soon written across my arm, so deep that it would be forever

I'm sorry...

well this was saddening wasn't it...ew lol. Comment and vote! If you have any ideas comment :)