Subject #013 | ✓

Chapter 31

The song above is a song from the TV show Shadowhunters, but I thought it very well suits this chapter, so please listen to it as you read this chapter. Along with this, Ruelle is a very talented singer who is not commonly known, so if you have Spotify or Pandora, please check her out! You won't regret it. ;) Enjoy the chapter.

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I think it's funny how no matter how much you tell yourself you need to sleep; your mind finds some way to ignore you. I've been slipping in and out of consciousness for a few hours now, and at this point, I'm ready to smash my head into a wall. But this time, when I roll over, I sense a strange emptiness in the room, like somebody...left.

My eyes flutter open and I sit up fast. Bad idea. Dizziness sweeps across my vision, causing me to have to put a hand on the bed to steady myself. An even snoring sound comes from beside me. Liz. So she hasn't left. My head slowly turns. I should have expected it, but somehow it comes as a surprise that Alix isn't in his bed. It takes way too long to process this; to get it through my mind, groggy from sleep. Alix isn't in his bed.

My heart jolts to life, pounding away. I open my mouth to say his name. After all, maybe he's still in the room. It seems like a pretty plausible assumption. But, I close my mouth, not wanting to disturb Liz, who seems to be in the middle of a fairly intense dream at the moment.

My eyes search the room, looking for any clues Alix may have left behind as to where he is. The curtains covering the entrance to the balcony sway lightly in the night wind, and I suddenly realize why it feels like it's freezing in here.

I walk, barefoot, over to the curtains and push them aside quietly. Sure enough, Alix is standing there, his head in his hands and his shoulders slumped against the railing. He doesn't seem to notice that I'm standing right behind him. Cold air rushes towards me, raising goosebumps on my skin. He doesn't even flinch.

I debate just leaving him out there to think about whatever he's thinking about in peace. But we're not a one man for himself kind of team. Exhaling sharply, I step onto the balcony.

I guess it's part of being a thief for so many years... Alix didn't notice me before, but it's obvious that he notices me now, even though he hasn't turned around yet, and I'm not yet close enough to touch his shoulder. The muscles in his back tense, tightening his jacket around his figure. I pause, momentarily confused. He turns.

Even in the dark of the early morning, the red rimming his eyes is unmistakable. I let out a little gasp. He looks... terrible. His hair is sticking up all over the place, and in the dim light, he slightly resembles something...dismal. He isn't playing around with me anymore.

"Alix, w—what happened to you?" I stammer out, my eyes uncertain where to look. His eyes look me over, starting from the frizzed up ends of my bright hair to the tight tank top and shorts to my bare feet, already freezing from the temperature.

"You tell me." His voice is low and rugged, and it takes me aback. What is he talking about?

"Tell you what? That you look like hell?" I respond.

"Tell me that what I'm feeling isn't true." He responds. I move to stand in front of him, to catch his eyes and see if I can decipher something in them. But they're staring straight ahead, and they don't have time to shoot me a second glance.

"What are you talking about?"

He runs a hand through his hair, and I can see that it's shaking. His slender, steady, thief's fingers are shaking. And I have no idea why.

"You can't see it?" He asks, hurt plain in his voice.

"I can't see what, Alix?"

"You can't see that I have no idea how to act when I'm around you!" He blurts out, turning sharply to face me directly. "I don't know whether to be happy or sad or upset or jealous or flirtatious... I don't know. I don't even know who you are!"