The Best Man {h.s.}

31

They both watch me as I stand completely still, afraid to move or even breathe for fear of running away or screaming at the top of my lungs. I can't stop looking at those eyes, those brilliant, beautiful green eyes that always felt like home. They still do in a way, even though they seem to be filled with more sadness than I've ever seen.

Ben clears his throat and I snap out of it, closing my eyes and shaking my head before I hear footsteps walking towards me. Ben steps forward and pulls me in for a tight hug, holding on for longer than usual and placing his hands on my shoulders when he's done.

"Hey, sis," he says quietly with an apologetic smile. I say nothing, just not and try my best to look happy, even though I know Harry is right behind him. Ben steps to the side awkwardly, looking back and forth between Harry and I without a clue as to what to do or say.

I think that makes three of us, Ben.

"Uh, I'm going to go see if we can get this thing started." He points his thumb to the back of the room and disappears, probably thankful that he doesn't have to say anything else.

And now we're alone.

I inhale, wishing I had pockets to put my hands in to keep from fidgeting. This is weird, way too fucking weird and I don't want to be here anymore.

"I uh," Harry begins, pausing for a moment to run his hands though his hair. "I called you...um...a few times."

Forty six, Harry. You called me forty six times.

"I know." I don't know what to say. This shouldn't be this weird. He nods, accepting my response and probably feeling the sting.

"Are you, uh..." He keeps pausing, adding to the awkward tension between us. "Are you okay?"

I pause for a moment, wondering if I should be honest or if I should just lie for my own protection. I decide on the latter.

"I'm great, yeah." I smile, probably nodding way too much and using too many hand gestures to prove my point. "I'm, uh...I'm doing just fine."

He watches me, smiling unconvincingly as he places his hands in his pockets.

"Good."

I can feel the tears start to form the longer I look at him, wishing that I could reach up to push the hair out of his eyes or even just touch his skin just one more time. He can see it. He can see how sad I am and I'm not sure but it might just be killing him more than it's killing me, if that's even possible.

"Listen," I begin, sniffling and begging my eyes to stop watering so I don't embarrass myself. "I'm going to go see if Chloe needs any help setting up or anything. Don't need her getting to stressed before the big day." I laugh, probably the most insincere laugh that has ever come out of my mouth. He stands expressionless while I try to fight through this, feeling like I'm drowning more than I already was. "So, uh, yeah. I'll see you around, okay?"

He nods, his lips forming a thin, straight line while he watches me quickly turn to walk away.

When Chloe announces that we're going to get started, a lot of the wedding party starts to cheer, probably feeling annoyed that we've been here for over an hour with no signs of us being able to actually rehearse for tomorrow. She sets us up in our places, the groomsmen standing with Ben while the bridesmaids practice walking down the aisle, trying to get the timing perfect while Chloe dictates from the back of the room. When it's my turn, I try my best to focus on my steps instead of the groomsmen, specifically Harry, watching me.

God, this is awful.

We eventually all make it down to the altar, standing opposite the groomsmen while the pastor goes over everything that will be said tomorrow. Ben and Chloe both nod to the pastor once he's finished, letting him know that they're happy with what he's prepared before we begin the even more difficult task of linking arms with the groomsmen and walking back up the aisle.