Septiplier Oneshots

Reaching Through the Darkness

*Readers be advised the following content involves depression and self-harm. Do not read if you do not wish to, thank you. Enjoy!*

"Have you ever felt like there is a darkness always trying to swallow you up; even though there are so many things willing you back towards the light? That is my life every single day and no one is able to help me. You don't know the pain I feel, you don't know how hard it is to fight it, you don't know how many times you've kept me here. I wish I didn't have to hide all this especially from you, Mark, my love... I wish you knew or could understand. Oh god Mark, the amount of times I have told you these things while you sleep, hoping and regretting-" Sean's broken speech was interrupted by the oncoming surge of tears and sobs. While he continued his nightly routine of depression, the figure "sleeping" next to him tensed up. Sean had no idea that his boyfriend, Mark Fischbach, had heard his speal every night for a week now. No matter what happened each time Mark just couldn't will himself to do anything. He lay there like a worthless slug while his broken lover cried himself slowly to sleep. Mark knew he had to do something, soon... very, very soon. But there was the swirl of doubts with every possible plan he came up with. Sean was broken in pieces and Mark had no idea how to put them back together. Mark, once again, for another night ignored Sean's personal pleas for help, 'Why am I such a careless fucking idiot? I can't even attempt to help you.' Mark fell asleep wanting to do something, but with no clue what to do.

The couple were aroused by the blinding sunlight whose rays beamed down upon them as if to replace last night's events with unfaltering warmth. Sean wanted to stay in this happy state forever, here with Mark, where the demons could not reach him. Unfortunately as badly as he wanted to stay this way, Mark still got out of bed to get ready for a new day. Sean rolled over to the other side of the bed where Mark's warmth still remained and sighed. He breathed in his boyfriend's lovely cologne that made him smell like a pine forest, so steady and everlasting. How Sean envied those trees who did not feel but only survived throughout the entirety of a year. Mark re-entered the room looking more ready with his lucky flannel shirt and now-straightened out hair. Mark did what he did every day: kiss Sean's forehead, set down coffee on the nightstand, and whisper to him how much he loves him. Sean savored every moment with Mark, not knowing if he would stay to see tomorrow. Mark would leave for work, leaving Sean to the will of his monsters. When Sean was truly alone, that was when he suffered. He took great care to not show what happened to himself and destroying their neat house. That day happened to be extremely bad and Sean had already destroyed the bedroom. Now making his way, in tears, towards the bathroom. When he slammed the door shut he immediately moved a loose tile in the wall where he stowed the blade that controlled his life. Sean made quick work and the amount of cuts that normally eased his pain was not enough. He found himself desperately cutting deeper into his skin wanting to be at peace. His efforts were futile and Sean only saw himself go deeper into the darkness he so dreaded. Until that was all there was, nothing else.

Meanwhile something had told Mark he needed to go home early. He wasn't sure why but Sean being in pain flashed in his head, and he knew instantly that Sean needed him, now. He left work as quickly as possible without making his boss too mad. He sped through traffic quite dangerously and it was probably Mark got home safely at all. He yanked open the front door automatically calling out to Sean, and with no response or the energetic Irishman running for a hug made Mark extremely worried. He went towards their room and was horrified at the obvious anger lashed out upon the room. Fear creeped into Mark, crawling slowly up his spine, 'Where's Sean?' He continued to look through the house, becoming more frantic as time went on. While Mark wanted to find Sean he wish he didn't have to when he saw blood pouring out from under the bathroom door, staining the carpet a deep scarlet. Mark knocked down the door in one try and his adrenaline only kicked in more as he saw Sean's pale body on the floor in a pool of his blood. The rest of the day blurred as Mark did things but his mind never truly was with him. He called the police, he was in the ambulance with Sean, then the hospital's waiting room, and even though he was sitting there with his head in his hands he didn't want to believe this was real. 'It's impossible... I know Sean was messed up but he always said he would stay because of me. He would never kill himself. Please dear god let him live.'
Jack looked around as he sat up. The darkness was surrounding him, 'Where am I? Wait am I dead? Fuckin' finally- Wait, oh shit! Mark! No, I have to live, for Mark I have to.' Jack did his best to force himself awake and the longer he was there he began to give up more and more. Sean collapsed on his knees in tears, "I'm so fuckin' sorry Mark! I'm sorry I'm dead! I'm sorry I took it this far! You never knew and you'll only blame yourself!"

Mark looked at Sean's sleeping form and he saw how calm he looked. His arms were covered in bandages which hid the marks of depression. Mark felt a tear slip down his face. "I'm sorry Sean. I should have not left you alone especially since I knew you were in pain. Now our roles are reversed and I'm talking to you while you sleep except you are actually asleep. I have no idea how long you've been this way but I heard you, and I did nothing. I'm so sorry Sean!" Sean had heard all of what Mark said, somehow. 'I'm only asleep. Oh thank god, wait! Mark knows?' Sean was happy and flustered, unsure of what to do when he would eventually wake up. Slowly the light began to break through the darkness until it was blinding and Sean opened his eyes to see the hospital room and Mark sleeping in a chair next to him. His arms stung like hell and Sean knew he definitely went way too far. He slowly sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He saw a bag next to Mark filled with some of Sean's clothes and then went through other things: stuffed animals, mementoes from Ireland, and a box. Sean opened the box and found letters for Sean from... Mark? 'What is this about?'

Dear Sean,
I am starting to write these letters for you, one every month, so one day when I meet you in person you'll know what you mean to me. In truth, I love you, honestly and forever. I'm scared to know you'll see these and when you do you won't love me back, and I'm sorry. It's been a year since I met you online and man this year was amazing with you. I'm not sure what to say but I'm glad my buddy Felix introduced us. I was so nervous but now it's like we've been friends forever!
With love, Mark

Sean looked at the giant pile and picked a random one closer to the bottom.

Dear Sean,
I still can't bring myself to show you these letters. They make me feel kind of stupid. You would love these, but I just can't show you them. I'm sorry... I've noticed something, you seem depressed lately. I don't know what's wrong but I hope it's not my fault. I only want you to be happy even if it's not me making you happy.
With love, Mark

Sean began to wonder why Mark hadn't said anything sooner, and with that he decided to read the last letter.

Dear Sean,
You still haven't woken up. It's been a week now and I realized today was when I write a letter for you. I've decided that as soon as you wake up I'm going to show these to you. I'm afraid if I wait any longer I'll lose you forever and then you won't ever see this. I'm sorry Sean I should have done something sooner. I heard you talking those nights to me and I did nothing. I'm sorry because I could have prevented this. Please forgive me.
With love, Mark

Sean touched the dried tear stains on the paper, and he was adding to them with his own tears. 'This wasn't Mark's fault... it's mine. Maybe if I just would have died everything would be- STOP IT SEAN! No you are good and beautiful, just like Mark tells me.' Sean took a deep breath in and let it out slowly in attempts to stop his mind from listening to the demons. A hand rested on his shoulder and he realized he had somehow collapsed onto his knees and was holding his head with his hands. Sean didn't get up and he saw Mark's shoes who knelt down and put both of his hands on Sean's shoulders. "Sean... it's okay. Everything's all right, please calm down." Sean looked up at his boyfriend's face, knowing he probably looked scared and weak and ugly. "Sean you are the stars that glitter my night sky. You are so radiant and gorgeous like a ball of sunshine. You are perfect just the way you are and no one is changing that, not even you. I fell in love with you, Sean, not what you think people want of you. I love you." Sean listened closely to Mark's words and he believed Mark. He slowly took his hands and used them to pull Mark closer into a hug. "I love you too my Markimoo."

Le Fin