creating constellations

a needed explanation

a couple days ago, i deleted chats. a few of you guys told me you noticed and i thought i would explain why i deleted it.

first of all, if you know anything about me, it's that i have very little confidence in both myself and my writing. the only time i read my work is when i'm editing. other than that, i can't even look at it.

second of all, i have an odd fear of not updating enough. people sometimes tell me i help them and that's the greatest feeling in the world but if i don't write these things, how can i help? i try so hard to force inspiration out of my brain but it never works. sometimes it makes me incredibly stressed out. i have told myself so many times that nobody cares but somehow i am still not convinced.

one day, i just got so over the edge that i deleted it. unfortunately, i didn't just unpublish it and it is gone for good. i do regret it a little bit, but there's nothing i can do.

in case you're wondering, i do feel the same way about these poetry anthologies but i would never delete or unpublish them, but if i take awhile to update, i'm sorry, i try so hard to write often but it gives me so many headaches.

stay alive, loves.