You're mine, right?-Levi Ackerman(Completed)

Chapter 13

A/N

This chapter is kinda dark and depressing, so if you wanna skip it, it won't mess up the plot. But if you do want to read it, that would be cool.   :)

It had been three months since that day with Levi and training was getting more intense leading up to the expedition. Nobody had informed us of it, so I figured that only Levi and I knew, as he had sworn he wouldn't tell anybody. Our days were longer and we hadn't gotten a minute to ourselves in what seemed like years. I was exhausted all the time and had to physically push myself out of bed every morning because all of the muscles in my body ached from the tiresome and excessive training that was forced upon us. My core suffered the most as we were constantly using the 3DM gear. If this went on any longer, I was going to be trained to death.

I was fine with training as I understood why we had to do it if we wanted to have a chance against the titans, but the same thoughts kept crossing my mind. I was training for death. All of these hours I put into using the gear and building my strength was all to die. I began feeling very down and sorry for myself. I didn't want to die, I couldn't die. I thought about the people whose lives would be hell if I gave into those beasts. Hanji, Tom, Farlan, Levi.

I then began thinking about how I would feel if one of the people closest to my heart died how miserable I would be. The pain would be unbearable. Almost like the feeling that overtook my life when my parents died. Some days, I couldn't even bring myself to open my eyes in the morning because they were so saw from crying all night the night before.

Thinking about the deaths of my friends now seemed worse. These people had been in my life since my parent's death and helped me get over it. Without them, I don't believe I could be the same person. Crumbling down and curling up into a ball would be my only option until I would feel the urge to end it all myself, as there wouldn't be anyone there to stop me this time.

My brother Tom crossed my mind every day. He had probably stopped waiting for me outside the orphanage on Tuesdays, because I hadn't shown myself to him for about four months. I had disappeared just like Hanji. Without a word or a purpose and he was the one suffering because of it. He must've been worried sick as I was all that he had left in this world to call family. He looked out for me and I looked out for him. That was how our relationship worked. We were constantly checking up on each other and comforting each other as in those early days, he had nobody and all I had was him and Hanji.

I never really opened up to Hanji about the death of my parents. I told her of it, but never about how I felt as I didn't want to get her involved in my messed up life. She was always so happy and I could never bring myself to talk to her about personal stuff like that.

My friends acted like a support system for me, as when I was feeling depressed, they would bring me out of that dark place and into and better one. Farlan and Hanji were always very cheerful and positive. Tom always showed that he cared and Levi was always willing to put up with my crying and constant talking. Levi was also very logical and would always tell me the truth of the situation and put my mind at ease. If I didn't tell Levi my thoughts, I just let them build up within me until I broke.

Breaking wasn't a frequent occurrence; I had only ever done it once. I just felt like ending it all, so I went to the little table in the room in which I trained with Levi and took the knife out of the drawer. Right before I was about to strike myself with the blade, I felt a strong hand wrap around my tiny and weak wrist and force me to drop the knife on the ground with a thud. Levi had saved me once before and he made it his kind of life goal to save me if I ever tried to take my own life again.

I sat there on my rock-hard bed and let my mind cloud over with these thoughts. Levi wasn't there, but there was neither a knife in sight as my personal one was taken off me when the officials found it. The constant thought of death awaiting me was becoming too much to handle. I felt my whole body shake as I cried uncontrolledly, my heart raced with the haunting images of the titans, and my ears rang with the screams from Shiganshina, my home district.

Even though we had been training day in and day out, I still didn't feel prepared for the expedition. Slicing through the rubber nape of a wooden cut-out was one thing, taking out a real titan was another. I had seen a titan before a knew of their height, strength and general terror that they brought upon humanity, but in no way was I mentally ready to fly around on 3DM gear and force two long blades deep into the neck of one.

Levi, Tom, Farlan and Hanji wouldn't want me to feel like this. Neither would my parents. At that I stopped crying and looked out the small, square window above me. The moon was shining brightly and the sky was black as night. The air was still and you could hear a pin drop it was so quiet.

My crying didn't seem to wake anyone so, I lay down on the hard mattress and pulled my shaking hands into a praying position. I then placed them under my head and closed my eyes. I drifted off into a restless and interrupted slumber.