Command Me

Chapter 22

(Not edited)

~Perrie's Pov~

Jade tucked her jacket around me as I did the best I could to get my blouse to close. There was no use. I looked like I'd endured a good fuck, and with the heat still in my cheeks, I didn't care who knew. I was drunk on her mere presence. That would be obvious to anyone who saw us, but it was more than our physical encounter that lingered in my heated blood. This weekend had proven over and over again that the connection between us was real.
I was in love with her.
I no longer had any doubt of that, but I couldn't be certain that feeling was reciprocated. I heard it in the way Jade said my name and felt it in the way she touched me in the soft caress before she fucked me blind. I replayed the afternoon tryst in my head as we rode back to the estate, for once content with the silence that had followed our previous lovemaking. Was it lovemaking though? I searched my memories for more hints, more clues that I wasn't alone in this state. Surely the fact that Jade hadn't pumped me and dumped me like the other girls she'd been photographed with in the papers was proof. She'd even brought me here, amongst her family and friends, which had to mean something. Of course, everyone here hated me, so maybe that wasn't reassuring after all.
By the time we rode into the stable, I felt half-crazy. How was I supposed to figure out a women who couldn't or wouldn't open up to me anywhere but in the bedroom, or in today's case, against a tree? We had a connection. For now I had to trust her with more than a riding crop. I had to trust her with my heart.
But as the memory of our wild afternoon stole into my mind, I was distracted from my more analytic musings.
I was in such a haze that I barely registered dismounting. The appearance of a stablehand finally snapped me out of it, and I tugged Jade's jacket tighter. Her hand stayed on my back, reassuring me, even as my cheeks burned as the stablehand gawked at my appearance. The man quickly recovered, averting his eyes and offering a gruff good evening to us both.
Jade held my hand as she guided me to the veranda nearest my guest bedroom. I tried not to obsess over the small gesture, even though I was sure I would later. For now, I delighted in the strong, firm feel of her fingers woven with mine. Then it was gone. She held a finger to her lips and peeked inside, gesturing after a moment that it was safe for me to enter. But she caught me in the doorway, pressing me against the frame and kissing me roughly, her tongue sliding forcefully into my mouth. I was consumed, melting eagerly against her. I moved my hand under Jade's shirt tracing the long scar that was across her stomach.
"No, Perrie," she warned.
I blinked against the tears welling in my eyes at the harsh rebuke. Two steps forward. Three steps back. I had my answer: we weren't moving forward. How could we ever possibly do so when she hid so much from me? Forcing myself to look away in attempt to hide the pain twisting through me, I gave her a rueful smile. "I'll see you at dinner."
"Perrie—don't." She refused to let go of my wrist, and when I pulled against her hold, her grip tightened. "Not here. Not in this place. I can't explain it to you."
"Try," I snapped, my frustration showing.
"I can't." Her eyes had grown hard, but for a moment, they smoldered to life as she met my gaze. "It's not you, Perrie."
"It never is." I was tired of the constant back and forth when all I wanted was to know where I stood with her. "I thought after this afternoon—"
"You need to change for dinner, love," Jade stopped me. The abrupt change of subject stung as much as her dismissal of me. I couldn't help thinking this was about more than wanting me to be presentable to her family and friends. How could I ever be what Jade needed? No wonder they all judged me. We all knew what I lacked—not only the pedigree, but the calculated indifference that could be flipped on like a switch.
"Maybe I should just go home."
"No." Another command.
I raised an eyebrow at her. Was she totally incapable of separating her need to dominate me sexually and personally?
She paused, as though measuring the best way to respond to my obvious resistance to her demand. "I want you to stay, but I'll understand if you go. I'd leave if I could."
"Then leave with me," I pleaded. Whatever secrets this place held, they were destroying her.
"It's not that simple, Perrie." The weight of six years of exile showed in her eyes. "I can't run from this. Not anymore. But there's something you should know."
I waited for her to continue, knowing everything depending on what she said next.
"If you run, Perrie. I will follow you."
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My decision was made before I reached the hallway. Clutching Jade's jacket closer to me, I breathed in her scent, willing myself to believe I could put up with the secrets and the strange double life I'd found myself in. Leaving her felt like an impossibility. I'd lost myself to her completely, and now all I could do was steel myself against the scrutiny of Jade's world.
I felt Leigh Anne's eyes on me before I saw her, and when I turned, she was indeed watching me, her lips curled into a sneer that did nothing to mask her beauty. I tugged self-consciously at the jacket and made a beeline for my room.
"Oh my, was there an accident?" she called after me.
I stopped, my resolve hardening at the venom in her words. I couldn't run away from Leigh Anne. She'd insinuated herself into Jade's life, and even though I couldn't understand for the life of me why anyone wanted her around, I knew she was here to stay. "I need to get dressed for dinner."
"You might consider showering as well." She wrinkled her nose. "You smell like cheap sex."
"A smell I'm sure you'd recognise," I said with a smile.
"Perrie, dear, stupid girl, do you still think you can play this game?" She walked toward me, her thin arms braced against her chest as she appraised my appearance. "You think we're eating you alive. I can see it in your eyes. You look just like that poor fox they loosed this morning, hopeful but terrified. But I'm here to tell you we haven't even begun to feast on you yet. We're not even past the appetizer course."
I swallowed against the rawness mounting in my throat. I couldn't let her get to me, and I certainly couldn't let her see me fazed. "I know you like your games. Surround a weaker creature and call it sport, but there's something you need to know I'm not the fox."
"You aren't the hunter either." Leigh Anne's nostrils flared as she spoke. I'd hit my mark. She wanted me to roll over, but I was no longer willing to wait for her to pounce.
"Neither are you. Neither of us belong here, Leigh Anne. But the one that gets to stay is the one Jade chooses." I emphasized my words carefully, hoping she'd take my hint, but she remained unmoved. "And you think that will be you." She giggled at this, tossing her black curls over her shoulder, the essence of poise and femininity no matter how much pressure I applied.
"I'm the one sharing Jade's bed," I said without missing a beat.
"You're the one she's fucking. Did she take you out to a field?" Her eyes travelled once more over my disheveled form. "You think if you let Jade shag you like an animal, she won't get bored?"
"Trust me—" I tilted my chin up in a show of a pride "—She's not bored."
"Not yet." Her words were clipped as she shrugged off my bravado.
"And you're the one who can keep Jade interested?" I guessed.
"There are expectations for Jade. A whole country's expectations. That means a lot more than some piece of ass she picked up for fun. Jade knows her time is running out. That's why she's slumming."
"Slumming?" I actually laughed at this, ignoring how it echoed through the hall. "Leigh Anne, dear, stupid girl, you have the name
and the connections, but don't ever forget that I have a trust fund that could buy your family three times over."
Leigh Anne's eyes rolled back against her perfectly fake lashes. "Discussing money is so crass."
"People who have none usually think that," I said. "But that's what is in this for you, isn't it? Validity for your old family name. A chance to prove your titles and history still mean something to someone. To anyone."
She took a step back as though I'd struck her, and this time there was no doubt I'd hit my target. "And what do you have to offer? You're only a little girl who got rich off mummy's and daddy's pathetic excuse of a business."
I blinked at this, unable to fathom how this couldn't be obvious to her. How could these people be so incredibly broken that they couldn't recognize the one thing a person craved? The one thing a person needed? It could only be the lack of it that accounted for their utter ignorance on the matter.
But my silence inspired her, and she laughed once more. "Wait—love? You think you can give Jade love! I knew you were delusional, but that's actually pathetic."
I'd never actually considered punching someone before. At least not seriously, but I thought about it now, my hands curling into fists at my sides. "My relationship with Jade is between her and me, and your opinion isn't welcome. So please feel free to shut the fuck up before I beat the shit out of you."
"Believe what you want," she said with a dismissive wave of her manicured hand. "But consider this a friendly warning, Jade isn't capable of love or true emotion, and she'll only destroy you. You're already drowning in her darkness, Perrie, and someday when she has to face herself and the women she will become, she'll need someone at her side who can't be pulled under."
And she believed she could be that person. Maybe she was right. I'd seen the darkness she spoke of flashing behind her eyes, felt it when her dominance took over. Could she ever be happy without breaking me further than I was already broken? But Leigh Anne was wrong about one thing. Jade felt things, even when she allowed her darker emotions to cloud her perception of reality. That passionate loathing that she felt toward herself and her place in the world proved she did feel, perhaps more acutely than any of us. A woman like Leigh Anne couldn't understand that. She couldn't see that light could bring Jade out of her prison. The realisation felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest only to be anchored to my feet. While I didn't believe Jade was incapable of love, I wasn't certain I was strong enough to be the person to show her that. I'd walked through the valley of the shadow myself and I was not unscathed.
"Maybe," a soft voice said from a nearby alcove, startling both of us, "you should listen to the lady and shut the fuck up, Leigh Anne."
Luke emerged from the dark recesses, neatly attired in a vest and tie, no doubt dressed for dinner. His glasses were perched on the top of his head, indicating he'd been reading, but his hair was mussed up as though he'd been anxiously ramming his fingers through it, and I spied tired, bluish circles under his eyes. I was little embarrassed to think he might have been here the whole time. Still, he seemed in support of my suggestion that Leigh Annr should back the fuck off.
"Lady?" The word rolled out of her mouth drolly. "I suppose it takes one to know one."
Luke exhaled a long can-you-possibly-be-serious sigh. "How very witty. I'm nearly positive that you must be the reincarnation of Shakespeare himself with insults like that."
"Don't be so intellectual, Lucas. Men don't find that attractive," Leigh Anne advised, clicking her nails together as she spoke.
"Perrie." Luke strode toward me and offered his arm. "Allow me to see you to your room."
"Gladly." A mixture of relief and disgust and confusion swirled through me. As soon as we were out of earshot of Leigh Anne, I added, "I think that went well."
"I suppose that depends."
"On what?" I asked. "How much did you hear?"
"All of it," Luke admitted, his eyes flitting to me briefly. "I saw you and Jade, and I wanted to give you some privacy."
"And then you left me to defend myself "against Bitch face?" I smacked his shoulder.
"Bitch face? Have you nicknamed us all?" His mouth crooked into a grin. "Am I Queen Luke then?"
Now it was my turn to feel sheepish, even as I shook my head. "You are Nice Luke Whom I Don't Want to Kill."
"Something about the way you said that makes me think there are others on your hit list."
"Only the Royal Brat Pack." The answer slipped out before I could even consider how childish I sounded or whom I was talking to. I had no doubt that he could guess to whom I was referring, and after what I'd witnessed last night, he might take my dig rather personally. I chewed on my lip, waiting for him to drop my arm or laugh, but he did neither.
"Another excellent nickname. I've never come up with something so fitting before myself."
I couldn't help but take his response as an indication that he wasn't offended. "What names have you given them?"
"Assholes. Wankers. The usual," he said with a shrug.
"I want you to know that I don't think Edward—"
Luke's demeanor shifted immediately, and I was reminded that he was Jade's cousin. Without a word from him, I knew to drop it.
"About that," he began.
But I held a hand up. Now it was my turn to save him. "You don't have to say anything. My lips are sealed."
"So I don't have to buy you off?"
My mouth fell open until I realised he was joking, and I shut it quickly. "No," I said dryly. "As you know, I'm a woman of means."
"So I heard." His answer lacked the snappiness of his earlier comebacks as his eyes faded into thought. "It's a well-kept secret. Not about me. About him. I don't want to see him hurt."
I'd spent the last day enduring derision and condescension. Luke didn't have to elaborate on what he hoped to save Edward from, but I couldn't help but wonder how Edward felt about it. It was a difficult line to walk openly being here with Jade. How hard must it be for Edward?
Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to be brave as I opened the door to my room. "Do you want to come in?"
"I'm not sure how Jade will feel about me being in your room."
"Somehow I don't think she'll mind."
"I have quite the reputation, you know." But he stepped inside.
"That's why I'm not worried."
"Yes," he said, "because a gay man is only ever in a woman's room for innocent reasons."
"You aren't going to steal my underwear, are you?" I teased, shimmying out of Jade's jacket.
Luke's eyebrow shot up as he took in my blouse.
"Wardrobe malfunction." I opened the armoire, hunting for something appropriate for another stuffy dinner.
"Whatever she did to you, I hope it was worth ruining that shirt."
"It was," I promised him as I continued to riffle through the clothes I'd brought. I had thought I was over-packing, but being stuck around Leigh Anne and her brat pack made all my clothing feel dated or casual or cheap.
"Go take a shower," Luke suggested, pushing me toward the en suite.
"I can't find anything to wear. There's no point. Maybe I'll go like this and give the whole rotten bunch of them heart attacks."
"It would certainly weed the line of succession a bit if you did that," he said, shaking his head bemusedly. "Don't worry about your clothes."
I stared at him as he began to poke through my dresses. "Are you going to pick out an outfit for me?"
Luke's back was to me now, but I saw the laughter rolling through him. "Oh Perrie, there might be some unfair stereotypes about gay men out there, but our sense of style isn't one of them."

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