Handcuffed Bliss - Watty Awards... 2012

The Wedding.....

"Get up Rudy, get up now…" Mom hissed, I turned away and held on tight to my teddy. It was all a nightmare, it was all a nightmare... my mind kept on chanting, but my heart knew it wasn't. I refused to get up. "Rudy NOW!" she yelled finally losing her patience.

I had no choice. I needed to keep my hair and head on. I struggled out of my duvet and saw, my clock. "It’s barely 4 am MOM!" I half yelled, half slurred. She shook me and forced me to open my eyes. I did, knowing, I did not have a choice; nope, none at all.

"Fine Lady Godzilla", I smirked, "what is it?" She looked at me as if I had gone mad. "It’s your wedding today" she said, in a loud whisper, with her eyes wide, red from crying, I noticed. Last night's events came tumbling back and I realized, today was the day that pedophile would be joined with me for life. 

I got up and stared at her. I wouldn't cry. No. Rudra was stronger than this; after all I was named after ‘Shakti’, The Goddess. I would never show the world my weakness. Not even to my mother. I stood in front of her. We stared at each other, quietly, silently communicating with our eyes. "Come Rudra," she whispered. "Let me prepare you for your wed-ed-ing…" she couldn't speak, she broke down. We hugged each other. She crying on my shoulder and I was trying hard to blink away these tears. 

Finally, she regained her composure, or tried to, by pulling herself away from me, she pulled me towards the temple. We had a temple room in our house; sacred as a temple itself. She pulled me in and sat me down in front of the statues of our Gods. "Light a diya, (lamp) baby, and pray to Lord Ganesh, that this new beginning be auspicious and happy for you and your husband.” I did as she told me to.

We then walked out and she pushed me into the bathroom. “Have a quick shower and come out soon. I'm waiting for you.” I nodded and bid as was told to. After five full minutes under the ice cold stream of water, I shivered my way out and walked into my room. I did have a feeling I knew what was to come but I hoped, really hoped that it was not that. I did not want to celebrate my wedding.

I walked in to find her sitting by a small footstool. She had a huge brass plate next to her. It was filled with rose petals and had cones of henna. It also had a huge bowl of turmeric paste. Great! Simply great! She was going to beautify me and then deck me up. I sighed knowing that I really had no choice. I had to keep her happy. She had dreamt of my big day all my life and today, she was trying to make the most of this painful situation, knowing that she would never get to see this day again.

I quietly sat down on the stool. She smiled at me and started applying the paste on my body. My face, hand and legs. She left my hair out but painted me yellow with turmeric. Then she scrubbed me with all her might. It was tradition for turmeric is believed and proven to heal and beautify the skin. A day before her wedding, every bride is given this treatment. It's normally accompanied with songs and dance and loads of jokes and naughtiness, pranks even.

But, here, today, she was in tears and my heart was silently bleeding. Finally, after what seemed like hours of scrubbing, she let me off for another bath. This time, she filled my bath tub with roses, added a few drops of essential oils and let me soak in the warm water. She washed my long hair with some more herbs and homemade shampoo. After this long unwinding bath, she gave me a long red underskirt to wear. With this she gave me my old tattered gown.

She sat me down on the stool again and began to draw henna patterns on my hands, then the back of my hands and finally my feet. She loved henna, growing up, I always had patterns drawn on my hands. She loved to beautify me. I too used to enjoy it; till I became a teen and then a rebel. Remembering those memories, I felt guilt envelope me. I should have let her play with my hands, should have spent more time with her. But I didn't. Today, I was regretting myself.