Handcuffed Bliss - Watty Awards... 2012

Life with my daughter.....

"Rudra" "Rudra", "MOM!" I could hear voices calling me. They seemed distant and away; as if in the background. Sometimes they were close to me and sometimes they would fade away. "MOM" I heard a very panicky Caro. She was scared. She needed me. That was what kept breaking the mist that engulfed me; her voice. She was calling me. I had to get to her. My girl was in pain. As painful as it was, I forced myself t open my eyes. I had to get to Caro. Caro! My baby, Caro! It was the only thing my mind kept chanting.

I opened my eyes to find him staring down at me with. "Caro?" I croaked. I needed to be next to my girl. "She is fine Rose, you don't worry. Have something first. "He soothed and I remembered my vow. I will not eat or drink. I shook my head. Even that simple exercise was difficult. I felt dizzy. No, I was not eating. "Mom," I heard Caro. I forced myself to open my eyes again, "Yes baby," I croaked. 

"Mom, please eat or drink something" said a very weak voice. My Caro sounded so weak; so fragile. I hated it. I tried to move, to get to her. But I couldn't. "Get my mom," I whispered. Soon, after a bustle of activities mom came, “Rudra, beta, drink this, it will help you get to Caro," she whispered. I nodded and she put a vial of liquid to my mouth. I recognized the taste of sugar. She was giving me lemonade with loads of sugar and salt. It was instant energy. 

I could feel my blood pressure improving, my shivers subsiding, I could see clearly. I tried to get up and he held me as I sat. "Where is Caro?" I asked. "Towards you left Rose." he whispered. He looked so pale and tired that my heart went out to him. No, I wasn't going to feel bad for him. Not after all that he accused me of. We hadn't spoken for five days. 

I held him when he cried, let him hold me when he needed me but I did not hold him when I needed a hug. I went to ma. I hadn't said a word to him in these 5 days. It was the longest we hadn't spoken to each other. He tried though. He really did. But although I never ignored him, I never really replied. 

Now, he stood next to me, supporting me in his arms, he looked so tired, so lost and lonely that I wanted to hug him and hold him till he regained his balance. But I would not I reminded myself again. Not after he accused me like this. I still had no clue as to why he behaved the way he did. But I hated it. He had no right to behave like this; to accuse me, to taunt my love and to question it. 

I wanted to see Caro so mom asked him to move a little and she held me in an angle so I could look at Caro. Properly look at a girl I loved as my daughter. She smiled at me. It was a weak smile. She still lay on her bed but the tubes attached to her were not as many as before. 

This room did not look like the ICCU. I stared at her and then at the doctor who was now hovering over me. "Mrs. Hawk, that wasn't a very sensible thing to do you know?" He gave me a lecture. Well, it was my pray so I do not think it was stupid. I simply nodded and asked," Is she out of the ICCU? How is she doing?"

The doctor smiled and nodded," She is in her own room now and doing very well and if her progress is as remarkable as it has been, she will be going home within the next week or two." I smiled and mentally thanked every God I had prayed to. My baby girl was going to be fine. He let me and my girl rest as he walked out with him. They were discussing some medicines. Mom came and sat next to me. Actually she sat bang in the middle of both of our beds. 

"So, girls, you finally have the chance of having the pajama party you missed years ago. I know a lot has changed since then, but use this opportunity to catch up. As kids, you were the best of friends. Do not let the past mess with you. You both have a chance of getting together again. Use it wisely. Now, rest and take care girls." She stood up and kissed Caro and whispered, “Take care my darling granddaughter," then came and kissed me too, “Get well soon, Caro needs you more than ever." I nodded and she turned and left after giving each of us one smile.

We turned our heads towards each other and smiled, shyly. "How are you feeling Caro?" I asked. 

"Don't worry ma, I am much better now, it was you who scared us you know, especially dad." She chuckled weakly. "I like calling you ma, if it’s okay with you?" she asked uncertainly and I nodded, a grin broke across my face. "I love it Caro." I whispered back as tears began to trickle out softly. My baby was getting better and she wanted to call me ma, I knew we have a long way to go. But this is a start; a very good start.

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