Fear Games

9. I'm So Sick

One Year Ago

Damien spent a lot of time over at my house when he and his father had disagreements. I never knew what they were about. Damien never felt the desire to confide in me--said it was too personal, and that maybe someday, I'd get the chance to know. 

One night Damien was staying over at my house, and I was sleeping on the floor while he slept in my bed. It had been a couple weeks since his first night over. As I was drifting off into dreamland, Damien's voice pulled me back to reality.

"Hmmmm?" I groaned, turning over to face him. "What'd you say?"

Damien's head was resting on his hand as he stared down at me. "I asked you why you always sleep on the floor and not in the bed."

I opened my mouth to respond, but didn't have anything to say back. How could I tell him the truth? The the real reason I slept down here was because I wanted so badly to be with him more than a friend?

"Go to sleep, Damien," I whispered. 

"I can't sleep," Damien said softly. "I need to know, Josh."

I groaned. "Why do you insist on talking about this right now?"

Damien smirked at me. "Why don't you want to talk about it? We're best friends, man. You can tell me anything."

"Except you won't tell me why you and your father don't get along," I said. "Instead you leave me to sit here and wonder. So you can do the same thing."

Damien was silent for a moment and I thought he was actually going to let me sleep. After I closed my eyes, he said, "Have you ever wondered what it'd be like to be with a guy?"

The question made my stomach turn. Not from disgust, but from fright. "Are you serious?" I asked.

My best friend shrugged. "I guess so. I mean, it's something I've always wondered about. Don't get me wrong, girls are great--have you seen their chests? But guys could be great, too, you know?"

Something about this conversation was exciting me a little more than it should have. I felt nauseated, mostly from nerves. This couldn't really be happening.

"I guess I've always sort of wondered, too," I said quietly. 

Damien smiled at me. "Really?"

I nodded.

"What do you say we give something a shot?" Damien asked. "Just the two of us. We can experiment a little."

This was the moment I'd always been waiting for. This was everything I'd always wanted. Deep down inside, my feelings for Damien were always there. Now they were getting ready to come out. He'd know how I felt if I agreed to this.

"Okay," I said, and climbed into bed with him.

***

The next morning I found myself on the floor. I looked up to see Damien in bed, still fully clothed, texting on his phone. His hair was ruffled and he smiled when he saw me.

"Morning, sleepyhead," he said. "You slept pretty late. It's about noon."

I looked at the alarm, and noticed the time. 11:56. My mind was still going a thousand miles an hour from the events of the night before. Damien and I didn't go all the way, but we sure did some fooling around. Except something about it didn't feel right.

"Damien," I said, "about last night."

He shot me a confused look. "What about last night?"