5sos Blurb Book #4

162. mashton

three knocks in a certain beat made ashton's heart stop in his chest.
that's how he always knocked on the door.
the boy with flamed red hair and bright green eyes and soft lips that ashton thought he was spending forever with.
michael had always been fidgety — always tapping and picking and drumming with his fingers and ashton was always fond of it, except when it was used against him and michael had stuttered a shaky 'i-i can't..i can't do this' that made ashton's skeleton shake itself.
it wasn't ashton's fault he had run down the aisle and was left alone on the alter.
but that was last week and of course michael had tried to contact him, but ashton wasn't dumb enough to let him waltz back into his heart like he owned it with feet he'd use later to run off again.
he didn't know if it was the commitment.
they were pretty young, but if he was scared of commitment he shouldn't of proposed to ashton or at least made the wedding day farther in the future.
but maybe it wasn't michael's fault.
ashton had been acting a bit clingy lately, and he was scared and nervous and rushing around, making sure final preparations were in check.
maybe it got to michael and he realized he didn't want this boy for the rest of his life.
ashton didn't want to open the door.
he didn't want to know who's fault it was.
he didn't want to see wide green eyes that were like vortexes to suck him in and prepare for his heart to be broken like it was last week.
but it's like his body was on autopilot and he went straight for the door, turning the knob before ripping it open to something he never thought he would see.
he didn't think anybody could cry so harshly.
or be so drunk.
he was trembling, he could barely move, and sobbing, and he smelled so much like alcohol ashton almost gagged.
'michael?'
he knew he shouldn't, but he did what his instinct was — he cupped his face and made him look at him.
'michael?' his voice cracked as the boy continued to sob, and pushed his hands away
'no.' he whispered 'no, don't touch me, i don't deserve for you to touch me.' it came out slurred and through hiccups and ashton grabbed his arm lightly
'how much have you drank?'
'i-i don't know.' he sobbed and his eyes swayed from the top of ashton's head to his eyes 'jus' drink till i can't remember what happened tomorrow.'
ashton caught him before he could fall and dragged him inside his house because although this is who broke his heart — he wasn't going to let him get hurt.
so he sat him down and michael started sobbing more, which ashton didn't think was possible.
so ashton grabbed a bucket once michael started to choke and placed a hand on his back when he started to vomit, his body still shaking and ashton shivered
'it's okay..shhh it's okay..'
and once he stopped puking he was curled over the bucket, looking at ashton with big eyes
'i'm sorry.' he hiccuped ''m sorry, ashton.' he whispered, eyes blinking as he hiccuped 'i'm sorry.'
ashton sighed 'let's just..go to sleep.'

michael woke up in the last place he'd expect — his old bedroom where he had once shared with ashton.
he groaned and clutched his head that was throbbing between his fingers and sighed, looking around in confusion.
his eyes widened and he scrambled to sit up when the memories of last night flooded his mind.
he fisted the sheets in his hands, bringing them up to his nose and inhaling, moaning at the smell of ashton that he had missed so fucking much that it brought tears to his eyes.
he blinked away his tears, only one trailing down his cheek and suddenly his hungover mind thought it was a dream — him leaving the love of his life at the alter — but looking around his brain realized it was true, it had happened.
it was the worst mistake of his life.
so he stumbled out of bed and carefully down the stairs, gripping his forehead and his eyes filling again when he heard sweet singing and his eyes fluttered closed at the sound.
'ash?' he whispered and there were quiet footsteps so he opened his eyes, seeing the smaller boy biting his lip nervously
'hi.' ashton whispered
'ash.' he breathed, stepping forward and clutching him to his chest before ashton could protest. 'ash.' he breathed again and ashton nuzzled into him subconsciously.
'ashton.' he sighed 'i'm so sorry, baby.' he ran a hand through ashton's hair and sniffled 'if i could go back and marry you i would, i swear--'
ashton pulled away and shook his head
'you can't michael..please.'
michael's eyebrows furrowed and his mouth fell open and he didn't know what to say. 'i-i can't what?'
'you can't pull me in again and make me forget everything that happened.' he whispered, voice cracking.
'no.' michael croaked 'ashton--' he grabbed ashton's wrist when he turned away 'ash.' he whispered, and ashton could feel his hand trembling on his skin 'please.'
ashton clenched his eyes shut as his back still faced michael.
michael's lip wobbled with emotion.
'i'm sorry.' he whispered 'i'm sorry that i-i...'
he trailed off and ashton breathed out softly.
'i'm sorry that i'm a coward.' he choked on a sob and ashton bit his lip and tried to suck his tears back.
''m sorry that i'm so much of a coward that i can't--'
'why're you a coward?'
ashton cut him off and michael sniffled
'i-i was afraid that you wouldn't want me forever.'
ashton turned around and looked at him with wild eyes.
'what the fuck?' he slapped michael's chest
'ash--'
'how. fucking. dare. you.'
'a-ashton--'
'you could've fucking talked to me!' he yelled, slapping his chest again and michael winced. 'you could've told me anything michael!! but instead you decided to run down the aisle and away from me.'
'i'm sorry.' he sobbed
'so am i.' ashton snapped and hit his chest again.
michael's eyes were watery when they looked at ashton's and they flamed desperation.
'please forgive me — let me marry you.'
ashton blinked and sighed, his stiff hand softening on his chest and he sighed
'michael--'
'please.'
his eyes were watery and ashton sighed 'mike--'
'd'ya want me to beg?'
ashton's eyes widened a bit when he slid to his knees on the hard wood and grabbed ashton hand in both of his 'please.' he whispered.
ashton's hand cupped one half of his face and his thumb pet his cheek.
'please.' he whispered in between a sob. 'love me again, please.'
ashton's eyes softened and he slid onto his own knees and kissed him
'i never stopped.'