Alpha Brothers - the Lonely Brother (book 3)

Chapter 11

Chapter 11
Malcolm
Saying goodbye to Tarna was harder than I thought it would be. I had never had so many mood swings in such a short period of time.
Septic, relaxed, fear, anger, annoyed, anger again and then sadness.
I was so emotionally drained that by the time I got back, I didn't even have the energy to make my way up the stairs. Instead, I sat at the last couple of steps, watching as a few maids walked past, gossiping but not taking much notice of me. The old me would have tried to get away from peering eyes, knowing that anyone could walk pass at any time and find me sitting here, but today I didn't care. My head was too jumbled.
See, the thing was, I promised Tarna that I would come back to her, a new and improved Malcolm. But I had no idea where to start with that.
Yesterday, I had almost ripped a rogue apart and attacked Tarna in the process. Today, my wolf had almost taken over as well as the memories of Bonnie's death resurfaced. I was five minutes away from having a mental breakdown.
Through my crazy thoughts, the feeling of Tarna's lips against mine came back to me as if she was kissing them again. I had never tasted anything so sweet, felt anything so soft as I held it between my own lips.
That thought sent my already rabid thoughts into chaos. I was torn between wanting it so much and hurting her and hating myself for enjoying it. I couldn't enjoy anything. I had to keep reminding myself that.
How could I have given Tarna my word to return to her when there was no way that I could? I made a vow to Bonnie to never find happiness again because I had taken hers. There was no way I could go back to her because if I did, I would never leave.
"Malcolm?" I jumped at the sound of my sister's confused voice as she came out one of the corridors and found me at the bottom of the stairs, "What are you doin'?"
I lifted my hand and gave her a sad smile, "I guess you wouldn't believe me if I said I was hidin'."
"Well I would," she said, sitting down on the step next to me, "But it would be the worse hidin' spot in the world."
I couldn't help but silently chuckle.
"So what's goin' on? Why are you down here instead of up in the attic?"
"Change of scenery," I lied.
She heard it and scoffed, "You're such a horribly liar."
I frowned, "I thought I was pretty good."
She scoffed again, "Sometimes, maybe. But there is somethin' serious goin' on. I mean, you look like hell."
"Don't I normally look like hell?" I asked, knowing that I definitely felt it most of the time.
She shrugged, "Fine, you look heller. Now, what's goin' on?"
I wanted so badly to unload all my troubles onto her. She sounded just like Callum and Ma that it almost came impossible. Both Callum and Ma and sometimes even Pa, were people that you could so easily confine in and you always knew that they were listening to every single word that you said.
But I couldn't talk about Tarna, not with her.
So instead, I focused on a different memory.
"Do you remember one time, you couldn't have been more than six, you would do everythin' in your power to make me happy?"
At the mention of the memories, she turned her head away and avoided my eyes.
"I would be curled up in my room, tryin' to get over the fact that once again I had lost control over my wolf. You would sneak into my room, give me treats. Anything from cookies you had stolen from the kitchen to your toys, books, anythin'. You had always tried to make me feel better."
She continued not to look at me. She still looked like that little six-year-old girl that was determined to see a smile on her brother's face. But like me, she had something dark inside of her. It was just simple grief and anger from the loss of her parents but it was enough to change her. I tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, revealing her face to me.
"I also remember you cryin', until I platted your hair."
Even she couldn't hide a smile and a little snort as she tried to hide her laugh.
"You made me do it so much that it's seriously the first thin' I want to do when I see someone with long hair."
Her stifle giggles grew, till she was rocking back and forth to breathe.
"You have seriously screwed me up," I said through my own chuckles.
"Stop, Malcolm stop," she wheezed.
"Oh my God,"
My head shot behind me, spotting Graham. Allie's laughs immediately stopped and I felt her anger towards him. What has he done to her now?
"I don't know what I'm more surprised about. The fact that you're sittin' in plain sight or the fact that Allie's laughin'."
"You always have to ruin thin's don't you, Brother," Allie said, almost growling at him.
"I'm just statin' the obvious."
Her eyes narrowed, "Well, I don't want to hear it."
I swallowed, remembering Tarna's and mine's argument from before.
"Allie," I warned her, feeling that anything that they said would take me back to the forest.
Allie didn't like that idea.
"God," she groaned, standing, her dagger filled eyes now aiming at me, "You bastard. You make me remember perhaps the only happy memories from my childhood, making me remember how I looked up to you because I had never met anyone as strong as you," I turned away, not being able to take her stares, "Do you know what I remember, Malcolm? I remember wishin' that I could be like you. Because even though your wolf kept takin' over you, you kept fightin' back. You would never give up. I remember my strong brother, not this pathetic waste of space. And that goes for you too!" she growled before storming up the stairs.
Graham sighed, before following her also.
Oh God, I felt worse than before.
"Malcolm?" my head shot up and found a confused Callum, staring down at me from the first gallery.
I groaned, frustrated, seeing him walk down the stairs to me at the bottom. I really didn't want to do big brother counselling, no matter if I needed it.
"How much did you see?" I asked, rubbing the back of my head as he sat down.
"From the moment you sat down. I was goin' to go see Archie about somethin' when I saw you come through the front door."
"So you decided to spy on me," I asked, not exactly mad.
He shrugged, "You can see it that way. I was just curious to why you weren't hidin'."
"Callum, I know you've noticed that I haven't been the same since Adin Hudges came to town."
Callum was very observant and I knew if anyone noticed, it would be him.
He nodded, "I did notice, aye. Do you want to come back?"
At the question, I licked my lips realizing that I did. With my wolf back, the need to be apart of a pack was growing.
"Somethin's change," I admitted, trying to make my heart as steady as possible, "I'm not...me anymore."
He frowned, "What do you – are you sayin' what I think you're sayin'?"
The level-headed brother wins again.
"You have your –."
"Shh," I hushed him, "No one else can know, okay? Not Archie, not the twins, not even Liv and Amy."
"W-what, h-how do you feel?" he asked, shifting closer to me.
If I knew that, I wouldn't be sitting here.
I shrugged, "I struggled at first, but I'm stable now."
He frowned, "What do you mean by stable? Are you in control?"
"As much as I was before," I muttered.
"But how? Why now?" he asked.
Because I found my mate.
I swallowed, knowing that I would have to lie to him.
"I-I don't know why," I lied, "I woke up one day and I felt it."
"How long since you've had it back?"
I shrugged, "A few weeks."
"And you seriously don't want to tell the others?"
I shook my head, "No one can know, Callum. I shouldn't have even told you."
"And how do you think that's goin' to go down?" he loudly whispered, "You and Archie have only just mended things. How do you think he's goin' to feel when he founds out that you've kept somethin' like this from him?"
"I don't need this right now," I snapped, "I have more things goin' on in my life than just this."
"Then tell me," he said, almost growling under his breath, "Don't make the same mistake as Archie and –."
"It's nothin' like that," I snapped, "God, I'm not that stupid."
I wouldn't let a vampire near me even if they were the most god-like creature on earth. Even though they were the furthest thing from God.
"Then what?" he snapped, "Why can't you let your family know that your wolf is back?"
"Because it might not be that simple," I said, calming down a bit, "You saw how the twins acted just then. I think they would miss me more if I was in a coffin next to –."
"Choose your next words very wisely, Brother," he warned me.
I bit my lip feeling guilty. I shouldn't have mentioned our parents. It wasn't a touchy subject, but speaking about our own death was.
I sighed, coming to a solutions, "Look, I'm ready to admit that I want to be apart of the pack again," when I saw that light in his eyes, I wanted to hit myself because I knew that I had to take it away, "but I need to get my head sorted first," my face cringed, "I just, have no idea how to start with that."
"Well, come to dinner tonight."
I couldn't help but snort at the idea.
"I mean it, Malcolm. Start the healin' process."
"Callum, if I go and eat down at the 'family table', I have a better chance of fightin' a crazed bear and comin' out alive than that."
"No you won't," he moaned.
"Yes I will," I said, micking his voice.
"Trust me, Malcolm. Everythin' will be fine."