No Matter What (A Nash Grier Story)

Through Thick and Thin

The time had come. There's no way to avoid it as much as I wanted to. The day after I found out that I was sick, I went to Nash's unannounced. I knocked on his door feeling the butterflies in my stomach. I felt like I did on our first date.

"Who is it!?" He asked in a sarcastic tone. He opened the door and I walked into his arms holding back tears.

Before I had come over I told myself that no matter what, he wasn't going to see me cry. That was a form of complaining and I wasn't going to complain about this. It doesn't help, it's just self pity. So many people have it worse than me in this world so what the hell is there to complain about. Yes this was going to be the hardest thing in my entire life but there was nothing I could do to slow it down or make it stop. And becoming an annoying, complaining brat was only going to make it worse. The fact is, I may not be the healthiest person in the world, but I wasn't the unhealthiest and everyday is another great day to be living, healthy or not.

I burrowed my head into his chest listening to his heartbeat as it calmed me down like a little baby. His arms wrapped around my back and he kissed the top of my head knowing I needed comfort, he just didn't know what for yet.

"You know you can just walk in. Any time of any day, you don't need to stand out there waiting," he said in a sweet whisper. He pulled me off him gently to look into my fearful eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked pushing my hair out of my face.

I walked into his kitchen and leaning against the island. I looked down at my feet and he stood across from me. "So I went to the doctors after what happened two days ago on our date, and they did some tests." I bit my lips holding back the tears I was determined not to let fall. "Nash, I have Leukemia." I clenched my fists.

His head swooped low. He grabbed my clenched fists. "Liv, there is nothing in this entire world that I love more than you. No matter what, I will be by your side through thick and thin and everything in between. You will not go through this alone. I love you so much." He kissed my hands as a fake encouraging smile tugged at my lips. He wrapped his arms around me as if it were the last time he would ever touch me.

We stood in his kitchen for what seemed like hours as I explained what was going to happen to me. I would start chemo in a week and it would continue every other Saturday. Then the topic got moved over to when, how, and where I was going to tell my parents and my friends.

We decided on hosting a dinner at Nash's and I would tell everyone there and then possibly meet my parents for dinner sometime soon. I was so happy Nash was there to help me through this.

*****

When everyone sat down around the table for what they thought was just going to be a nice meal. Everyone started cracking jokes and laughing. The food was actually pretty good since I didn't cook it (I'm a terrible chef). About 15 minutes into the meal I cleared my throat asking for attention. When no one shut up I coughed. When I still couldn't get anyone's attention I just blurted it out. "I have leukemia."

I looked at everyone around the table who had stopped talking suddenly after hearing what I said. I looked down at my hands and played with the ring on my middle finger. Nash placed his hand on my back. "I went to the doctor a few days ago. They ran some tests and stuff and I was diagnosed with stage 2 leukemia," I told them. I explained just what I had to Nash about chemo and all the treatments and drugs I was going to be poisoning myself with. They all just stared at me blankly not knowing how to react. I didn't expect them to.

I picked up my fork like nothing happened and took a bite of the spaghetti we were eating.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, is this some kind of a sick joke?" my friend asked first.

I shook my head focusing on the swallow of the food. I wished it was, but it wasn't. I looked around at everyone's faces again and almost laughed. It's like they all had just seen a ghost.

"Guys, I'm not a ghost. I'm a normal person. You don't have to treat me like I'm different or some kind of alien," I said shoving a massive bite of spaghetti in my mouth, not realizing until now how hungry I actually was.

After a few moments of silence and our friends readjusting to the situation, I broke the ice, "I really don't want this to change anything about our relationship or the way you guys treat me. Just because I have cancer doesn't mean I'm a whole different person. It would make me feel worse if you treated me differently." I took a sip of water and gripped Nash's hand that was placed in his lap. I looked over at him and flashed him a quick little smile. I felt better now that they knew.