No Matter What (A Nash Grier Story)

Moving On

I woke up the next morning in my own bed. I forgot for a split second what happened and felt normal and happy for once. Then it struck me. Not only mentally, but physically. I ached all over, and my head spun when I started to recall what had happened last night. I sat up in me bed and tried to hold myself together but failed. It felt like it had just been a dream that had come and gone. Come and gone. Oh how I wish it was gone. I just wanted to be done, done with everything. I was so overwhelmed with all the shit in my life. It was all flying out the window all at once and I don't know if I could even hold myself down without flying out the window with it all. It was too much. Too much to handle, too much to deal with, too much... nothing. It was like my entire slate wipped clean, only everything around me turned white and there was no where to run, no where to hide. All I wanted to do was hide. I wanted to hide and never be found. This was the first time I've ever realized how hard this world is. How unfair life is. How much mother nature and the whole world doesn't care about anything.

I got up out of bed and washed my face then crawled back under the covers and laid there. I never wanted to move, I never wanted to eat, I never wanted to sleep, I just wanted to sit there and do absolutly nothing. By doing absolutly nothing I could never get hurt, or hurt somebody, or have to deal with the pain and depression that had enveloped itself into a rain cloud over my head. A rain cloud so big, that it felt like I was being washed away. What more would life throw at me? How much more coud I take? My dreams have been ripped to shreds, I felt sick all the time, and now my grandmother is dead...

*****

As the weeks and months flew by after the accident and funeral, I had been feeling better after seeing a phsycologist. It was already February and I didn't blame myself for what happend anymore. During the weeks after, I had learned that I had another tumor in the lining of my stomach. I was continuing cancer treatment, and things were getting so hard that I decided to take a semester off of school to focus on my health. But I had been feeling pretty good the last couple of weeks. Nash had asked me if I wanted to go to Magcon in San Francisco and Valentines day was this week. I decided that I needed a little fun in my life, so I went.

We were sitting at the airport in North Carolina at 6 in the morning. My head kept drooping low and sleep closed my eyes. I was immediately awoken by Nash's deep voice, "Great! Looks like our flight's been cancelled!" I looked up at him and groaned. I woke up this early to find out that I can't even get on a plane till who knows when. "I'm gonna go check to see what flight we can get on next. Want me to bring you back something?" I shook my head no and found another comfortable potion to lay in as he ventured thorough the evil airport.

Apparently I feel asleep because what felt like two seconds later he returned with news I wanted to shoot myself hearing. Our next flight would be in 5 and a hours, just a long enough wait to have to make us stay. The airport was an hour and half away from our house, taking up three hours, and getting here early enough before our flight would make it pointless to go back home.

"Don't go back to sleep Liv, I'm bored," he said whining like a baby.

I looked at him, playful anger on my face. "Then go to sleep like me!"

"You know I can't sleep in public places. Plus if we both went to sleep, who would keep track of our stuff?"

I rolled my eyes and sat up. I grabbed his hand and said, "1,2,3,4 I declare a thumb war, 5,6,7,8 try to keep your thumb straight."

I squirmed in my seat as a reaction to keep my thumb from his grasp and in the right portion. He was very competitive about even this kind of stuff and a look of determination spread across his face. I couldn't help but rub it in his face that I won. That just got him more angry. He took it too me the next round, and beat me every round after making sure to rub it all back in my face. I flicked his nose playfully when he got too close to my face. Instead of pulling his face away from mine he crinkled his nose and kissed me on the lips. I grabbed his jaw with both of my hands and kissed him back.

He finally let me go to sleep while he edited his new YouTube video for the week. I slept for 3 hours and was woken again by Nash's angry voice.

"Great news! This flight has been canceled too! The next flight won't be till late this afternoon."

Long story short, we sat there for the entire day as they canceled our flights and we missed them. We accidentally feel asleep until we were woken up by the announcement of our plane leaving. So we waited for the next canceled flight until we finally boarded at 9:30 for a 5 hour flight. We were told we couldn't get out there till tomorrow until someone hooked us up with a flight at another airport. I didn't know who it was, but Nash knew him. We got there and got ready just in time to be one of the last boarded passengers.

Even though all we did was wait and sit around all day, I was still exhausted. That's what fighting cancer does to someone. I couldn't sleep on the plane though due to a crying baby with colic about 3/4 of the plane ride, and a man with a LOUD terrible cough 100% of the time. Let's just say getting to California was probably one of the biggest reliefs of my life.