No Matter What (A Nash Grier Story)

All Over

That night after the dinner I went to bed, obviously. It was just a normal night besides the fact I told everyone who meant anything to me in this world (other than my family) that I was going to be battling a potentially life threatening disease. Anyways, I went to bed extremely exhausted from today's events of... talking. Soon I fell into that REM sleep that feels like heaven while sleeping, but like hell when being woken up in the middle of it. Unfortunately I had the "hell" experience but more like 10x worse. I woke up with a throbbing brain. But it wasn't just "throbbing," I felt like a fat man was sitting on my head but somehow was taking an electric drill to the middle of my skull. I wasn't only yelling "ow" I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I couldn't think, all I felt was my brain being drilled into and my head being sat on. My roommate woke up from the screaming and actually acted concerned for the first time since I met her last year. She rushed me too the hospital. The doctors immediately dosed me with some serious pain killer drugs. It felt like the man had stopped drilling but couldn't get up off my head, even with the most high-tech drugs not on the black market. I know they did everything in their power to make the pain go away, but nothing worked. I sat there like drug addict trying to function.

To put this in prospective, you know how I said hearing I had cancer was the worst moment of my life, I have to take that back and say those moments in pain that was almost unconscious worthy beat that by... a lot.

I was placed in the ICU for the night as they did a few tests and I went from awake to asleep. My roommate had left to return to her bed, and didn't bother to tell anyone what happened, so I sat at the hospital alone.

When all the tests were finally done, I went to sleep, not even caring about what they did or did not find. In the morning I woke up and was told my mom was down here. Apparently my roommate had called my mother and told her. So now my mother was informed I had cancer, and knew whatever it was that caused my brain to want to kill me.

She was brought into my room and gave me a big, reassuring hand squeeze since I didn't really feel like sitting up to hug her.

"Nash is out in the waiting room. He's been there since 6:30 this morning. Want me to call him in?" I nodded yes. When my mom exited, a few seconds later, he entered and rushed to my side. I turned my head to look into his enormous, beautiful blue eyes that I got lost in everytime I looked into them. He grabbed my hand just like my mom hand done. I reached my other hand across my body to touch his cheek. He kissed my forehead and spoke.

"How are you feeling?" he asked stroking my hair out of my face. I shrugged my shoulders telling him I felt better than I actually did. A small, fake smile spread across his lips as he kissed my forehead again.

"Nash," I whispered. He nodded his head in reply. "I love you," I said again as uncontrolable sleep took over me.

When I finally woke, the doctor explained to me what was wrong now. I had a brain tumor. All I can say is, this week was not my week. I felt like i had been punched in the stomach. I had lukemia, and a brain tumor. This really could not be happening. They went on right away to discuss my medical options, not even letting it all sink in.

They told me that they weren't going to start me on chemo, but this other cancer drug that I couldn't understand the name of. The cancer drug would still cause me to lose my hair, but I would only be on it until I had surgery to remove the tumor in my brain. The surgery had risks, like possible death or it might change the way I think, act, speak, and all around live if my surgeon messed anything up. But if I didn't have this surgery, I would die, and possibly soon. I agreed to get the surgery.

*****

I went in terrified, and came out relieved. The surgery went well and there were no complications. I was to stay a week in the hospital so the doctors could keep an eye on me. Family, friends, and Nash visited frequently. Even though the surgery went smoothly, I was still terrified of the journey ahead.