No Matter What (A Nash Grier Story)

Hope

And in that moment that I felt alive, I fell. And even though it was only a small fall, it hurt more than it should of. It crushed me. It was the moment that I was brought back to reality, only I was brought back to reality with the knowledge that it's over. My dream didn't come back, I wasn't actually on a stage in front of a crowd of people anymore, I was in hotel gym, at 5 in the morning, sitting on a cold floor, head on my knees, crying. And that's when I heard his voice.

"Liv?" Nash said walking over to where I was sitting. I looked up at him in surprise, the tears lining my cheeks. I quickly whiped them away and stood up.

"Hey Nash," I whispered, putting on a fake smile.

"You don't have to do that. Not with me. What are you doing down here?" he asked me.

"I couldn't sleep, so I came down here." I walked over and shut off my music. "What are you doing down here?"

"I couldn't sleep either. What's wrong?" he questioned me, obviously knowing what was the matter.

"Nothing!" I said like nothing had even happened.

"Liv, it hurts me to sit here and watch you hurt, knowing that I can't do anything about it. I would do anything in this world to be able to take this away from you. It kills me to see you hurt inside. Tell me what's wrong," he said giving me his big ocean eyes.

I looked down at my hands. "I don't want to talk about it," I told him sitting down on a bench nearby.

"I think you should talk about it. It's not good to keep it bottled up. I want to hear it. I want to help, it want to take this pain from you," Nash replied, sitting down next to me.

"No you don't. No one wants to feel what I'm going through. And you can't just make me talk about what's going on right now," I raised my voice at him. "You have no idea what it feels like to know that everything was going well for you because you worked so hard for it, and that everything was in it's perfect place, and then have it ripped away from you in literally a second. You have no idea what it feels like to be working for something since that age of 7 for hours and hours and day, for years and years, and then have it be gone without you even knowing it completely. You have no idea what it feels like to know that if it wasn't for you, someone would be alive right now. To think that if it hadn't been for me, that my grandma would still be here. People keep telling me that it wasn't my fault, but all I can think about is that if I hadn't taken her out that night for some stupid coffee, she'd be sitting right next to me, helping me through this shit in my life. You have no idea what it feels like to have to endure poison seeping through an IV stuck in your arm, killing your cancer, and taking your energy. You have no idea what it feels like to not be able to eat anything without having to throw it back up again. You have no idea how bad my body hurts, and how weak I am some days," I was crying by now. "You have no idea what this feels like to go through this alone because you don't want someone else to feel the same way you do. You don't understand how bad I wanna give up, how bad I just want to quit. But what is there to quit? There's nothing that I can just walk away from and say 'I'm done,' because the thing I wish and I want to walk away from, is myself. And I cant do that. I have a family, I have friends, I have you. I can't do that to you guys. I can't put you through that pain. But I just want to be done so bad, but I have to keep fighting. I put on a smile everyday, but inside it's killing me. It's ripping me apart and I dont know how much more I can take," I sobbed into my hands and Nash grabbed me and wrapped me into a tight hug. I cried with every once of my body and I felt all my emotions spill out. I released all the thoughts, anger, pain in Nash's arms.

When my tears started to slow down Nash looked at me in the eyes. He said, "Olivia Belle, you are the strongest person I've ever met, and I've said it many times before, but it's true. Ever since you were little girl I've known you for wanting to change the world. You've wanted to inspire people, and lead them onto a path that brings hope and redemption, and a first step into changing the world. But the best way for inspiring people to get to that path of hope and redemption, is to tell them and story of hope and redemption. An example that shows them that anything's possible and that through the darkest hour, hope is still shining a light. And right now, I believe you have that story in the making. You're writing about it right now. All you need to do is wait. Wait for it to pan out and see how strong you really are. When you get through this, it's going to be an amazing story that has the potential to change peoples lives, the only thing stopping you from having the ability to do that, is yourself. You are the only one standing in the way from bring hope into peoples lives, and right now, that's exactly something that everyone needs. So it's up to you, you have the decision to choose your own fate right now."

I looked into his eyes when he finished and saw tears falling out of them. More of my own fell. I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered in his ear "I'm not going anywhere."