No Matter What (A Nash Grier Story)

Good-bye

Since I was finally home now, I went to go see my Nana. I drove over to her house, and we had tea. She told me she had never been to this AMAZING coffee shop that was just downtown, so I had to take her. I got her into my car and we went downtown.

When we got there I ordered a latte, and let Nana order her own. We sat down and drank, and talked. She was the one person that acted like nothing was wrong with me. I wasn't sick, I didn't lose my hair, I wasn't fragile. I told her everything that had been going on with me for that past couple of months, and I told her all about Nash. I showed her a picture of us. We were relaxing in his room back in New York. I didn't have any hair there. We were sitting on his couch and his arm was wrapped around me while the other one was holding the camera. I noticed how dark the circles around my eyes were. They were getting bigger and bigger, and darker and darker. But my smile was still big, and so was his. I can rarely ever get him to smile for pictures so I especially loved that one. Her face lit up when she saw us.

"That's adorable. You two look great together," she asked questions about him, and I answered them. After a bit she had wanted to go home, with it being "way passed her bedtime." We got in the car and headed back for her house.

I decided  to try out a different way to get home, testing to see if it was faster or not. We were coming up to the intersection and the light turned green. Nana had just said something funny when it hit us out of no where. All I remember was my head jerking to the side, a someone screaming... me.

*****

I opened my eyes and saw someone trying to pull me out of a metal scrap pile. I looked at them and heard them shouting over, and over "can you hear me?! Can you hear me?!" I nodded my head feeling dizzy. I looked at my hands and my arms, covered in blood, but nothing hurt. I couldn't feel anything. My ears were ringing as someone grabbed my arms and pulled. I started to get up, when someone lifted me bridal style to the back of an ambulance. Some people dressed in blue jumpsuits shined a bright light in my eyes. They tapped me on my knee and kept asking me easy questions about myself. My feet hung over the back of the parked ambulance. 

My ears had stopped ringing and I started to realize what was happening. I grabbed the shoulder of an EMT that was near me. "Whoah, what happened?" I said panicking. She grabbed both of my shoulders and told me to breath and take deep breaths. She explained that a drunk driver had t-boned us while running a red light at the intersection. Then I realized... "My grandmother, she was in the car, is she okay?!" tears started to fall from my eyes as I panicked even more. 

"We don't know for sure yet. We are pulling her out of the car and rushing her to the hospital," she told me in a calm reassuring voice that didn't make me feel any better.

I had called my mother explaining without details. It had started to snow so the roads were bad and it would take them awhile to get to the hospital. I didn't tell my mom everything because I didn't want her to worry too much since it was her mother. I called Nash and explained everything to him while sobbing. He was coming also.

I sat and waited in the hospital for what seemed like eternity. Every second that went by was like an eternity. Doctors came and went, always informing other people. Before I sat in the waiting room, they put stitches in a gash I had above my eye. I had a white bandage hanging over it. I sat in the waiting room tapping my leg whipping away the constant tears that wouldn't stop. My hands were crossed and I was looking down so no one could see me cry. I just wanted someone here with me that I knew. Just then, Nash ran in. He looked into the waiting room and saw me immediately. He rushed in and embraced me in a huge hug. I grabbed him tight, my body shaking. He kissed my head. 

"Are you okay? What happened? Oh my gosh, have you heard anything? What happened to your eye? Is it alright? Are you alright? Olivia, I'm so sorry," he asked, obviously very concerned.

"Nash, Nash, I'm okay. I don't know what happened, I don't know what happened at all and I'm scared," I said through tears. I grabbed onto him tighter. When I let go my back hit the wall. I put my hands to my forehead. "It's all my fault," I told him, "I shouldn't have gone that way. If I had just went the usually way this wouldn't have happened." I started to cry even more.

Just then the doctor came into the waiting room. A man and a women walked up to me. They took off their doctors mask to reveal a sad expression on their face. 

My body froze. I knew what they were going to tell me. I couldn't breath. My heart stopped beating. My lungs stopped breathing. I was flying in the sky on a plane that was crashing. 

"Miss Belle, we did everything we could, but she lost too much blood. I'm so sorry," the female nurse said.

My back hit the wall, and I sank to my knees. I covered my hands over my mouth on the way down. An uncontrollable sob took over my entire body. I buried my face and hands into my knees and tried to quiet my sobs. Nash knelt down beside me and held me. His hug was warm and reassuring but it didn't change the fact that I kill my Nana. 

*****

I sat on the floor feeling paralyzed. The tears wouldn't fall anymore. I sat there staring blankly ahead faintly remembering my family standing around me. They were looking at me with a face of sadness and holding out there arms for me to hug. I didn't want to grab them. I had let them down, I had hurt them, I was a disgrace, I was a murderer. I pushed them away and hugged my knees, again, the tears starting to fall. Nash rubbed my back and extended his hands to help me up. I stood to my feet. I didn't even take the hug Nash offered me. Instead I walked over to a waiting room chair and sat down. I put my hands on my face and my elbows on my knees. My mother and father had been asked to follow some doctors to sign papers and left Nash and I in the waiting room. 

He knelt down in front on my chair. His hands touched the side of my legs nearer to my hip. I looked into his beautiful blue eyes. 

"Liv, this is not your fault. I talked to the doctor and they told me everything they knew about the crash. It was a green light for you, and a red light for the other driver. He was said to be drunk but the tests haven't come back yet. He went head-on into your car on your Grandmothers side. It's not your fault so don't blame yourself," Nash told me.

Before I could reply, my mother sat down next to me and Nsh's hands fell to his side. She kissed the side of my head and put her hand on my shoulder. "Honey, are you okay?"

I nodded my head and looked at my fingers. I choked out, "I'm so sorry mom."

"Olivia, why are you sorry?!" she asked while putting her hand on my arm.

I explained everything that happened and how I went a different way and if I hadn't gone that way none of this would have happened. I looked up at her and many tears were streaming down her cheek.

I knew I was to blame. She blamed me, I knew she blamed me. I sighed and put my head back in my hands. It's like she read my mind.

"Olivia, I in no way blame you. There's nothing you could control in that situation. I'm just so glad you're okay," she said breaking down even more.

I leaned over the arm rest and hugged her. I held her tight. She rocked me back and forth like I was a baby. I forgot how much I miss her hugs. It had felt like forever since the last time she hugged me. I let my tears soak her shoulders, as her soaked mine.

*****

My parents had to stay later at the hospital to do paperwork and sort everything out, but they asked Nash to take me home. My brother, Justin, was at home, unaware of exactly what was going on. On the way out to the parking lot, the snow was super high. It had been snowing the entire time I had been at the hospital and during the crash and I hadn't even noticed. I was only wearing moccasins, and the snow covered my foot with every step. Nash noticed and lifted me up bridal style. He carried me all the way to the car without a problem and before he set me down he kissed me on the good side of my forehead.

I sat in the car and buckled my seat belt tight, a little afraid after tonights events. "Nash, make sure you put yours on tight," I told him grabbing his hand. He looked me in the eyes and gave me a faint smile while tightening his even more.

My head was starting to hurt when I realized it was 2 o'clock in the morning. "I love you," I whispered to Nash as I let myself drift to sleep.