Good For Gone

Start and Stop

I refused to get out of bed the next day. I had no interest in doing anything. My undyed roots and chipping nail polish could go fuck themselves.

I couldn't stop thinking about it. The idea of Peter being with me every waking moment and not telling me something like that.

Maybe he liked it. I would be like him, maybe that's what he wanted.

But, would I even technically be me? I didn't know where the human stopped and the demon began. I didn't want to be evil. I wasn't a saint to any degree, but being a demon is about as low as you can go.

Not to mention Randall is delusional, so I don't even want to think snout how that will end. Maybe I won't even be around to find out.

I just laid there, trying to watch TV, but it failed to hold my attention to any degree. I just wanted to stop hearing the words bounce around my head. With them there, there was no room for anything else. 

I ignored the knock at the door and ignored the boy who walked through it anyway. My back was to the door, so I couldn't see him, but I heard his footstep and the shifting weight on the edge of the bed. 

"I don't really know what to say." His voice was his own, but sadder than I'd ever heard it. 

I didn't respond, I just kept my eyes trained on the TV.

"I'm sorry."

"I thought you didn't know what to say." I sighed, still not looking at him. 

"Well, I figured that one would be a good place to start."

I kept quiet. I didn't want to think about this, much less discuss it.

"Please say something." He begged after a few moments. 

"Why?"

"You can't just pout about this, that's not going to solve anything."

I felt anger flare inside me. I whipped my head around, eyes blazing.

"Maybe if I'd known about it a little sooner I'd actually be able to do something about it."

I could see how hurt he was by my words.

"He didn't give me a choice, the same way he doesn't give you one."

"Really, well I have a family to protect, what do you have?" I knew I would regret saying something like that, but I couldn't stop it. It all just spilled out of me like molten lava.

He flinched a little bit and said, "You."

I felt hot tears begin to pool in my eyes, "Well you did your job really bad, I'm already half dead." 

I flail around my grey arms for emphasis. He didn't move away from me. That's when I noticed he was still wearing last night's clothes. His hair was messier than I'd seen it in months, and his facial hair was actually growing out a bit. He looked almost like my old Peter, the sweet boy who I couldn't take out in public to save my life. I missed the days when things were that simple. Which makes me feel crazy for calling a dead body coming back from the dead and become my best friend normal. 

"He would have kept me locked up if I didn't promise to keep my mouth shut. It's the only reason I was allowed to see you. It was already happening. I'm sorry."

I cooled a bit. It was hard to be too mad at him. Pretty much everything he'd done since we met was for me, even with pure evil brewing in his head. Maybe that's why he seemed so normal anymore, he used to be so good that evil just evens him out. 

I groan and bury my face in a pillow, "What are we going to do?"

I felt his hand stroke tentatively across my back, "I wish I knew."