The Girl With the Scars

Chapter Thirty-Six

“She’s been awfully quiet lately” Jay whispers to Shay.

I shake my head and continue to wipe the table pretending I can’t hear their failed attempt of whispers.

“What do you expect” Shay hisses.

After I came back with them yesterday they had been nagging me to continue staying with them in the, as I like to call it, pack house. Not that they’re werewolves or anything, they just seem to act like them. I obviously refused to stay another second in that house knowing that Spencer would be with that piece of trash, so they followed me back to Jason’s parent’s home and have been continuously bugging me since.

“I can hear you” I say putting the wet rag into the bin and making my way upstairs.

My shoulders feel heavier and I know exactly why, the guilt was just consuming me. It's like pain and sorrow mixed with each other, and yes, it does make you want to cry and sometimes even throw up. With me it feels like a bunch of moths are eating at my insides, and that I have to tell someone or the moths will just keep eating until I become delusional. And then when I do tell someone the misery of it, well the worst part is gone and I can think clear again. But that’s the problem, I can’t tell anyone.

**Flashback**

A few seconds later he finally locks eyes with me , and it sends more tears to my eyes but I don’t let them fall, his eyes were…different almost too hazel and sad, full of guilt and sadness , he walks a few steps until he reached me. He kept looking into my eyes, but it seemed as if he was wondering something, if he wasn’t sure of something, we stand there for a minute, until I break the silence.

“Please be real this time” I say and I could see my words dig a hole into his chest. 

He moves his right hand up, and raises it in front of me, waiting for me to intertwine our fingers together. I look at his hand and it was shaking, he was so weak it was breaking every piece of my heart, I slowly raise my hand to his and I do as he was expecting.

"You’re really here” He says his voice had a ring of hope and he tried to crack a smile but failed, I raise my other hand to his cheek and he gets goose bumps from my touch he leans his head into my hand before he closes his eyes to try and enjoy the moment, our hands still intertwined together, he holds my hand tightly on his face, he slowly moves his face and presses his lips on the palm of my hand. I close my eyes at the feel of his soft lips, a few second later I open my eyes and I slip my hands away from his and take a step back.

He jumps forward as the thought of me leaving alarms him.

"Don’t leave...please”  He says with worried eyes

"I’m not going anywhere” I say softly, he tries to smile one more time but still fails as it comes out so tired and with no life what so ever, I take a closer look at his face, still looking beautiful, he hasn’t shaved in a few weeks I could tell. His hair was barley standing up and he was looking at me like he was seeing me for the first time…with such love in his eyes.

I run the back of my fingers on his cheek before I bring them up and put them through his hair to get his hair up, he closes his eyes to my touch once more, as I put my arms down I start saying normally,

"How, why?” I whisper. I know that I wasn’t making much sense but he understood me.

"Hailey, there’s so much you don’t know and I wanted to keep you away from it but I failed and I’m so so sorry” He says looking utterly broken.

"How-how can you be alive? I... I saw you die! I went to your funeral” I shouted crying.

“I can’t believe I fucking cried for you! I’m so pathetic, and so are you! Yes you are a jerk! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.” I sobbed as I threw punches desperately at his chest.” I was drowning in my tears at this point.

“Hailey” He croaked and took a sharp inhale of air as the reality of my words set.  My punches got weaker and my anger slowly faded into hurt and my vulnerable side came out revealing the true me. 

I chocked on my own words and broke down into sobs, I knew it was killing him not being able to wrap his arms around me and calm me down.

“How could you have just led me to believe you were dead? That- that’s sick!” I spit.

"I’m not the only one that hasn’t been completely honest with you Hailey” Jason says.

"Those people you’re hanging around, they aren’t good” He continues and I scoff.

“Those people you’re speaking so ill of have been family to me so watch what you say Jason” I hiss wiping my tears away.

“I know baby girl and I’m so sorry! I wished so badly to be able to be there for you, I know how hard it was for you to think I was gone but it had to be done, they had to believe it” He says and look at him with confusion written all across my face.

"What are you going on about?” I ask.

“First I need to know what they’ve told you” He says.

"They don’t tell me much just that you were in a gang” I say and he lets out a deep breath.

"Have you met Annie yet?” He asks and I slowly nod my head not understanding where he was going with this.

“What's Spencer been telling you?” He asks astonished.

"Have you ever asked him why he was even in a gang to begin with?” He questions nervously.

“No”

        

"Spencer is my brother Hailey” He says.