Inevitable Love [COMPLETE]

mini heart breaks

She was a rainbow but he was colour blind. He pushed her and swooshed her till she lost her colours and went as dark as a storm. Scary, right? But it is as it is very much true and vicious for something she believed to be so helpful is now a threat. Ilianna spent her last days waiting for him, waiting for any little hope she believed he had in him to work its magic but thrown aback by the fact that he simply did not love her as much as she did. They were like fire and ice. So very different, yet she was caught, she was knee deep in something they believed to be love. Ilana left her home and started a new but what she did not expect was his memories to follow her, for maybe he did love her but he was talented enough not to show it which made her question her lover. Her lover of course couldn't care less.

My phone buzzes and I divert my attention from the book I am writing, or at least trying to write. I ignore it not trying to break my flow. I bite on my pencil tip trying to think of something and trying to break my bad habit of chewing on my lip but apparently I am defeated as I continue to chew on the inside of my lower lip. I look out the window and close my eyes as I try to think of what to write next, but apparently the flashbacks won't allow me.

There were days when all I wanted was to hear the sound of your voice

And, to feel the glide of your fingertips on mine,

And, to be in your presence

Those were the days I found myself hating you the most

You left me cold,

I hate myself for hating you

Because, to this day,

I STILL LOVE YOU.

I lie back on my bed as I wonder what might he be doing right now, maybe studying, or hanging out with his friends, or playing, maybe I'll ask him, I pick up my phone and text him,

To: Troy

Where are you? And what are you doing?

X S

Send.

After a while he replied,

From: Troy

What is it to you? You aren't my wife, you're just a girlfriend, so behave like one.

The text hits me like a hammer, or a punch in the gut, for I was hurt, my questions had nothing but pure curiosity in them, but he chose to believe something else, he wasn't like this, what happened? i call miley,

"Hello? Miles?" I ask rather concerned.

"Yeah, hey , sup babe?" she says with a perky voice . I take sharp breath and tell her the problem, I tell her about Troy's behaviour as she knows him pretty well and also he prefers to talk to her rather than to talk to me.

"Troy's been acting a bit off do you know why?" I ask her hesitantly.

"oh yeah, someone told him that by the looks of you two you are trying to control him, actually his friends are really serious with their girls but I don't think he is with you and he wants to tell you so maybe you should just take a hint and let him go, perhaps he likes someone else", she continues in a sympathetic way, I just hang up on her and then I immediately switch off my phone knowing she will call back, but her sentences were still stuck in my brain, like someone else? But how could he? I mean I am his sam. But then it made perfect sense that is why he has been behaving so awkward. I go stand in front of a mirror and look at my reflection, I see a girl with dark brown straight hair, and their length was up till the shoulders. My attention diverts to the eyes, brown, and bright, then to the lips, nose and everything else. Wow no wonder he likes someone else, I mean just look at me. Why would he even look at me let alone love me I don't blame him, even his friends are prettier than me. I move away from the mirror and walk over to my bed and start crying, i cry till I slowly drift off to sleep.

I wake up at the sound of some people. I open my eyes rubbing them slowly as I open the door and see my house filled with people, oh I forgot, it's my birthday. It has become a tradition for him to fight with me just before my birthday. I hate this day, it's my birthday and I hate it today it was once again my birthday and for the first time I hated it. Well it has been the same since last year, this year me and Troy we had our 2nd anniversary and even on that we fought like hell. And we broke up today again I think after what he said to me. this was it I took my phone and took out my sim card I broke it and threw it in the trash can, I took the phone and gave it to mom, I no longer want this wreck of a phone.

I take deep breath, I knew he would never walk away from his decision, he had planned to let me go and all I could do was let him as I could never change his mind.

I just need to let you go now, because I can't make you stay I am not enough I just am not worth anything. I got the message. Hope you someone pretty and someone you like, even though she can't love you as much as I do but yet again no one can love you more than me for I have loved you more than anyone and everyone on this planet, I never knew I could fall so hard but apparently that happened and just as that predicted it hurts so bad.

So as I write again, I know what I was up against, I was hurt , yes, but I cant let it keep me down for I had a strong will to carry on he didn't want to live with me in his life ok I will do just that. He can enjoy his life and do whatever he wants to . I knew this would put me in a locker of hurt but I had no other choice but to do this and I was pretending to be ok with it for I was never gonna accept I was weak, I simply couldn't, I could handle this unlike most I was aware of my abilities, so all the anger I had was decided to be put in something constructive, I felt like screaming and crying out screaming to people making the acknowledge my presence.

| Next morning|

I wake up with a new spirit fuelling me it seemed my anger was all I had. I got ready for my class and went to the institution. I walk down the brightly lit hall as I go to my class. I could see him everywhere I looked. As much as I want him in my life I need to let him go as I was awfully aware of where this would lead if I didn't, he wanted to ignore me ? Let him, it's what he wants as it's his life and I don't want to ruin anything for him. I go to my regular debate class. Every day before every class we get a chance to to speak in front of the crowd and to convince them of all your propositions. As soon as I walk over to the podium to speak my mind goes in a frenzy of emotions, I am bewildered by what I feel. This was beyond and awfully more than I could handle but I simply refused to break down in front of millions of people who couldn't care less about what I was going through for at that moment I felt like the loneliest soul on this earth trapped between to realms, trapped between a choice, trapped between who she is and who she should be, trapped between her present and her future unaware of all the possibilities not afraid of taking any risks, I might have taken some wrong turns but at this very moment I felt like I knew where I belonged I felt strong, content and invincible. I started to speak as I made a strong eye contact with my audience, I got louder as the anger rushed through me, the reason was only one, Troy. The anger rushed through me and I started burning up. I felt tears fill up my eyes, I wasn't crying or anything it's just a way to lower the burning up caused by the anger. And unfortunately it's the only way. I couldn't understand his logic. What was so hard? I didn't play any mind tricks and games. And what was so difficult in getting to know me or what I felt? For I was just a normal girl. And my eyes are a huge give away of what I feel, you just have to take the time to see it. And he seemed to have a lot of time for everything but me, and I guess that's what pissed me off. Or maybe it just broke my heart. Mini heart breaks are worse than a a huge one that happens only once.

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