Going Under | Sitkolson [C]

14. REINCARNATE

RICKY

I turned to Ryan, my eyes wide.

I couldn't remember hurting him. I passed out, that was it. Besides, why would I even want to hurt him? Judging by the pain in his eyes–which he tried hiding–, I hurt him bad.

Just the thought of hurting him made me feel horrible. He hadn't done a single bad thing to me, yet I physically hurt him enough for him to show it.

"When I touched you," He started, "You practically crippled my hand. But it's okay," He smiled, trying to comfort me, "It was an accident."

I looked down, "I'm sorry, Ryan."

"It's fine, Ricky."

I crippled his hand...? The guys did say I was some supernatural being, but what can cripple one's hand in their sleep? I've done a fair amount of research on this stuff in my spare time, and I probably missed something, but I don't remember seeing anything like this.

"What about what I did at school?" I asked, looking up to Angelo, "I don't remember much. Only the man and the crows."

"The man?" He frowned, turning to Chris.

"There was a man standing outside of the window," I explained, "Then he just turned to crows."

Ryan sighed, sitting up straighter, "None of you would know him. He's been around as long as I have. Longer, actually."

All eyes were on him as we waited for an explanation.

I knew Ryan was old, but he was talking like he was super old. And, to be honest, that made me feel a little sad, because I was only nineteen.

"When I was about twenty years into my afterlife," He started, his eyes focusing on his jeans, "I came across a guy, Corey. I had heard stories about him beforehand. His whole life was a wreck. He moved from house to house, town to town, everything. When he was eleven, he was in the room of one of his mother's friends' house. They... Corey didn't deserve a lot of what happened to him, and that's what caused him to go cold. When he died, he came back as something stronger. He didn't want to harm me, because I was defenceless, but he was on some sort of mission," Ryan then turned to me, his eyes locked on mine, "You're a lot older than you think, Ricky."

My eyebrows shot up, "What's that supposed to mean? You said-"

"I know," He cut me off, sighing, "But... Do you know what reincarnation is? The process?"

I nodded, now frowning.

"Well..." He bit his lip, "Almost a two hundred years ago, you were killed. I didn't know you were reincarnated until earlier this year, and.."

Reincarnated? Wouldn't I have some weird memories about that? Like, in those shows, or is that just to make it tense? But, if I've been killed so many times and brought back, how the fuck do I not have something that can remind me about it? I mean, the only thing I have that actually holds significance to me is the key I wear, but I've always had that. Wait...

"How do you know?" Devin asked, beating me to it.

Ryan blushed and looked down, still biting his lip.

I had never seen him blush, but it was actually really cute. Cute...?

"Ohhhh," Ryan Ashley smirked, though she still looked surprised, "Well... we'll, uh..."

"What?" Devin, Josh and I said in unison.

I was confused. How the hell did she know something none of us did? She made it seem like it was so obvious, yet no one else noticed it. We may be pretty oblivious, but still.

Ryan Ashley pinched the top of Josh's ear and tugged him up, "Let him explain it with some privacy, yeah?"

After the others slowly left, I turned back to Ryan, even more confused.

"I..." He shyly peeked up at me and I moved closer, the position making it a little more awkward as I was still near his lap.

"What's wrong? And, what do you mean by the whole reincarnate thing?"

"In eighteen thirty-six.." He breathed out, playing with his fingers.

It felt weird to see him so shy and flushed, because he acted so dominant ninety percent of the time. It was scary, because he suited both.

"Do you remember that dream you had?" He asked, looking up at me.

I nodded, and he continued.

"They were memories, but the events and conversations were switched about to make it look like it was a dream. Your brother did die, only he was reincarnated immediately. The ball, that was where we celebrated. The house and child, that's where we lived our life. The end... That's when you two were killed."

My jaw dropped as my eyes widened for the hundredth time in the past ten minutes.

Was that dream like the flashes people have in those shows? Was everything that happened real, and it was just taking so long for me to actually remember?

"No wonder why..." I whispered, looking down at my knees.

That's why it felt right. That's why kissing him felt right, being in a relationship with him felt right, and the dream felt right. Apart from dying of course. But, if we really did die, does that mean that Jasmine did, too?

"What about Jasmine?" I asked, tears in my eyes.

He shook his head, "I-I couldn't bring her back. When I woke up, you were gone. It was just me and her, only she wasn't..."

I may not have remembered the time, but the thought of losing my.. daughter.. pained me more than anything else.

I moved closer to Ryan so I was straddling him and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug.

I was told so many different things. If I were to try and remember them all, none of them would make sense with the new information. Obviously, they lied to me–again–, but I couldn't really stay too mad. This seemed more like the truth. And, if I'm honest, I liked it.

Ryan moved his head back, "You're not mad at me for lying about some things?"

I shook my head, "No. This... This seems like the truth, so I'm going to let the rest go," I sighed and looked down, playing with his hair, "I wish I could remember. I really do. But, maybe I'll have another dream and it'll all come back. Y'never know."

He smiled and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to my cheek, "It's okay. I can help you, if you want."

"How come you remember, and I don't?" I frowned.

He chuckled slightly, "I don't know. But, I woke up, and I had forgotten nothing."

I slowly nodded my head, "I want to remember everything."

"Everything?" He smirked, causing me to hit his chest.

"Well..." I blushed and looked away, "Yeah, everything."