Going Under | Sitkolson [C]

21. DOWN SIDES

I sat with my head in my hands, my eyes closed as I let the clock tick and tick.

I will admit, the sound pissed me right the fuck off, but I wasn't going to lash out and smash a freaking clock because I was pissed.

Ricky, again, left durning the early hours of the morning. I haven't gone looking, because he was as stubborn as his brother. If he wanted to be found, he would've left a note. But he didn't, so I didn't bother. Besides, I needed time to think. Mainly to think about last night.

What if it wasn't me in that room? What if it was Devin, or Angelo, or even Vinny? They could've possibly died. Anyone else could've. If Ricky's movements were faster, I could've easily had a knife through my head. I would've been fine with that, because it was me and not anyone else, but I couldn't help but ask myself what would've happened if one of the guys were in the room at the time.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I instantly knew it was Angelo's.

I sighed, "Yes, Ange?"

He sat next to me on the edge of the couch, "I know what happened. Ricky spoke to me earlier. You know he had no control, right?" I nodded and he continued, "There's no way we can alter this. There's nothing we can do. He was born with this. Maybe..."

Shaking my head, I looked up at him, "Don't tell me I should just accept it, because I can't. I love him, Ange, so much words can't describe, but I can't sleep in the same bed knowing he could kill me in his sleep. Half of the time he's not even sleeping. Usually he's thrashing around because he can't."

Angelo offered me a weak smile, sighing softly, "I know you do, but there's literally nothing anyone can do. Maybe we could take away the violence he sees by helping Corey, but... Even then I doubt it'll work."

"If it means I can be with him, I'll do it. But I want to do it on my own. Corey's guys have guts and have no problem in killing anyone they hold the slightest disliking to."

He scoffed, "Yeah, right, okay, Ryan. Ricky's family, we'll all do everything we can to help him."

Though Angelo was being optimistic about it all, I couldn't help but let the downside pick me up.

"What if it doesn't work?" I looked into his bright blue eyes, watching them dull slightly.

He didn't answer. I didn't expect him to, either. This was going to be dangerous, and it could easily backfire on us in less than half a second. In the end, though, it was all up to Corey and whether he wanted to go through with it.

• • •

RICKY

I bit my lip and waited for the bell to ring.

Two days had passed since my second 'occurrence' and it had been more than awkward between Ryan and I.

No doubt he was thinking about possibilities, because that's what he always did.

I went from knowing nothing but his name, to knowing I used to be in a relationship with him for hundreds of years. The gaps were still present, but I knew enough to know that I did love him, and that we were both happy. Until I remembered every single emotion and every single memory, I wouldn't be doing anything with Ryan. I just couldn't.

At the sound of the bell ringing, I jumped out of my chair and made my way straight down the hall and out of the school.

With just two periods left, I thought I may as well leave. It's not like the teachers cared all too much, anyways. I got good grades from them, because they felt as if I was a good student, even if I skipped class a few dozen times.

As I was making my way down the street, I heard footsteps from behind me, causing my pace to quicken.

When they didn't cease, I turned down an alley, my breathing heavy as a new feeling brew inside my chest.

I quickly turned around, letting out a sigh of relief when I saw it was Angelo.

"Ange, what the hell?" I ran a hand through my hair.

He gave me a small smile, "Sorry, but... Can we go back to mine? I think we should talk."

• • •

Angelo and I sat on his bed, just like we did when we were younger, only this time was different.

There wasn't the usual spark surrounding us, because the events prior weren't something you'd happily talk about.

Looking down at his knotted fingers, Angelo started with a small, "How have you been?"

I shrugged, "Okay, I guess."

"Are you sure?"

After seconds of thinking, I shook my head, "No, not really. Nothing's been going the way I thought it would."

He licked his lips, frowning down at be bed sheets, "Y'know, Ricky," He started after minutes of silence, "I'll always love you. We all will. No matter what happens. Just... Don't think that we don't, okay?"

I closed my eyes and tried my best to hold tears back.

Angelo and I had conversations like Dev and I; they weren't what I would talk about with Chris or Josh. He was also as close to me as Devin was. They all were. Apart from Ryan, but you get my drift.

I nodded and leaned forward, "I love you, Ange."

He sniffed, hugging back, "I love you too, Ricky. Just try to stay out of bad shit."