Rivals [A Sirius Story]

« 6: Jealous »

Side Note:
Omi = Grandmother in German

« Marlene's POV »

It's the middle of class and I want to stab someone.

This time is different from last time, when someone interrupted me from answering the teacher's question (correctly) to respond to it themselves (incorrectly). This time, it's because I'm seeing a girl flirt with Black.

It's silly, really. I mean, I hate his guts. Why do I care about him speaking to this girl?

Wait – that's it! That must be why I'm so unhappy! I'm upset that he's going to get a shot at love!

Yes, that's got to be it.

With this revelation in mind, I try to console myself by thinking: It's hardly likely that they'll fall in love. What are the chances? She's only flirting with him, nothing major. It's fine, I shouldn't even be worrying.

My pep talk soothes me somewhat, but doesn't relieve all of my pain. I don't know why. Once the bell tolls, I grab my books, slam them into my backpack, and stride fiercely out of the room.

My actions garner the attention of both my best friend and my rival. They each hurry towards me, and I can't help but notice Black winking a goodbye to the girl he was hitting it off with, whose name I believe is Molly Weasley. She's pretty, with ringlets of red hair that would resemble Lily's if they were straighter, and bright hazel eyes.

"What did Black do this time?" Lily inquires, just as Black asks, "Why are you so upset?"

He glares at Lily. "Hey!" She examines her nails without responding.

In unison, they turn to me after a moment. "So are you alright?" they chorus.

"Fine," I sigh. Lily looks at me doubtfully before waving Black away. "We need a best friends' moment, bud, go pull a prank on an innocent first year," my sassy friend instructs. He rolls his eyes, gives me a concerned look, and leaves coolly.

"Are you upset because that jackass he was flirting with is trying to steal Black from you?" Lily asks intuitively. I take a deep breath of air before beginning, "Firstly, she's not a jackass just because she was flirting with an annoyingly attractive asshole. Secondly, why would I be upset that she's trying to date him? It's not like I own him. Thirdly, I'm not even upset!!" I punctuate the last words with the sound of my bag dropping. Lily purses her lips skeptically.

"You sure about...well...any of that?" she questions.

Only about 1/3 of my statement. "I'm certain of it all!" I retort.

She pats my back delicately. "Okay, so, you need some fruit and – "

"'Loss! That's not really what I want at the moment!" I snap. She retracts her outstretched hand and looks down, hurt.

"I didn't mean to get angry," I apologize. She nods, waving her hand to signify her moving the tension aside. "It's fine. You're broken-hearted – though of course you don't need to be, he would date you sooner than he'd date that wh – "

"Lily Evans!" I scold. She raises an unapologetic eyebrow.

"You don't believe me, but I'll say it regardless. He loves you, you love him. Deal with it, move on."

"I was actually chastising you more for the whole needless - name - calling thing, but you're right about the fact that I don't believe the lies you're spouting," I retort.

Rolling her eyes, my friend chuckles. "You're usually so observant, it shocks me how you noticed the colour of the lining of the quilt your grandma bought you last Christmas but you can't recognize the obvious feelings Sirius Black harbours for you. Not only that, you won't even acknowledge your own feelings! I gotta say it: Mar, you're fucked up."

Focusing on Black is something I can't do. For some reason, the thought you'll never have him flashes through my mind. I push it away from my mind and smile at Lily, sarcastically responding, "Jesus, 'Loss, don't overwhelm me with compliments!" She shrugs. "I slipped in the fact that you're observant! Don't you appreciate that? The things I do for you..."

"Ah, yes, the second you focused on my looking at the lining of the quilt my Omi got me before moving onto how blindly idiotic I am – what a sweetheart! How do I not appreciate you more?" I comment ironically.

"I ask myself that every day," Lily sighs, letting her dramatic side overpower her.

—»«—

« Sirius' POV »

I slide up behind Marlene and Lily, listening closely. Merlin, they'd murder me if they saw me here!

I bet Marlene'd look gorgeous while she murdered me.

I find this so embarrassing! To be tied to a girl this way: I have been since first year, of course, and since then my feelings have only intensified.

How does James let Lily know about his feelings for her? It astounds me...Prongs is many things, but concerned about his dignity is not one of them. Of course, he's also got an inflated ego, which ends up providing a lot of amusing situations for his friends to watch him flounder in.

At least James chose Lily to have a crush on. Just as James enjoys Marlene's company, I enjoy Lily's. And Remus and Peter have the pleasure of meeting with both Marlene and Lily without the fear that looms over James and I whenever we see our crushes. We want to impress them and, as I have to admit, we never really pull it off.

Acting as if I have no insecurities is something I often do. I enjoy it – after all, in a lot of areas, I deserve to be cocky.

But I also do have a lot of self - esteem issues. The family I was raised in...didn't provide me with extensive amounts of – what's the word – love? Compassion? Knowledge that they cared? Compliments? That may be why I'm so eager to be treated better than I should be. I want people to make up for the lack of love I've always received. And the Marauders certainly give me a place to feel loved in. They're my family. They make me feel at home more than my house ever did.

I'm shaken from the thoughts I've indulged in when I hear my name brought up. Lily is asking if the reason Marlene's upset is that I was flirting with a "jackass".

What?!

I was asking Molly about the lesson! I gave her a wink afterwards because that's my version of a wave.

Damn. Am I so attractive that my even speaking to a girl looks like me flirting with one? Of course I am.

Marlene responds by stating that Molly isn't a jackass (true), that she wouldn't be upset if Molly was trying to date me (that hurts), and that she wasn't upset (sure thing, princess).

Lily seems skeptical, wondering if she's really certain about her statement.

That's fair.

"I'm certain about it all!" Marlene insists adorably, her brows pulling together as her nose crinkles.

After they contemplate the best next move, going back and forth in a bantering manner, Lily brings up "the obvious feelings that Sirius Black harbours" for her.

Spot. Fucking. On.

My feelings are wildly obvious, despite the fact that I've tried to hide them – or that's what I've always thought. But maybe that's not true.

It certainly seems as if Marlene has some difficulty understanding how I feel. She tries to push Lily's statement to the side, looking uncomfortable. It's clear that what her friend expressed is making her feel strange in some way.

Grand. The thought of me makes her feel queasy.

Lovely.

Amazing.

Kill me.

- word count: 1274 -

Pun of the day:
Someone: She looks like a cow!
Me: I can't believe you would udder such a rude statement!

Honestly, I don't know whether I hate myself or love myself right now.