Rivals [A Sirius Story]

« 12: Stronger »

« Regulus' POV »

My brother feels defeated. It's clear to see that. He's slumped over, not responding to his friends' comments, and casting sorrowful glances at Marlene, who is standing next to me. (Directly next to me. And yet, I wish she was even closer.)

The glances he throws my way are a little more...what's the word...hostile.

I can practically hear his thoughts. He's thinking about how I always seem to win. And I can't help but sympathize with him. He's my older brother, I always looked up to him: I still do. But he doesn't deserve my respect and love after what he did to me. In our childhood, he failed me.

My feelings of loyalty towards him must be quashed, killed, before they do me any more harm than they already have.

I sigh. I don't want this life. But what am I supposed to do? Abandon my parents, the philosophy they've shoved on me? Be blacklisted?

Rather not, thanks.

Maybe after I graduate and can support myself. I mean, even if I left my parents and tried to move in with my friends, their families wouldn't take me in like the families of Sirius' friends. They're all in favour of the pure - blooded ideals too.

Every time I think about my life, I regret it a little more, but it's not as if I could have done it in a massively better way; my existence was destined to be difficult. It is not my fault that I was born in the Black lineage. But it is my fault if there's a way to get out and I don't take it.

That being said, there are plenty of ways for me to escape this life, but would it lead to a worse life? Homeless, estranged, alone but for my friends who would then be forbidden (though of course they'd break the rules, being as amazing as they are) to see me?

I want a better life.

Sirius is under the misconception that there is no more unfortunate life than one conducted under our parents' rule. This is ridiculous. I could be poor, starving, any number of bad things. I have time to escape. I don't have to right now.

And I will escape.

No thanks to Sirius.

I shove my negative, hateful thoughts to the side. Bitterness is hardly a trait I aspire to have. It doesn't suit me...not many, I think, can look good while clothed in bitterness.

"Reg, are you alright?" asks Marlene, for the third consecutive time. She claims to feel bad for "harassing" me while I'm down; little does she know that every time she questions how okay I am, I get slightly better. She cares.

Knowing that helps.

"Yes, Marls, thank you," I respond. She scrunches her face up. "Uh, listen, I'm glad you're alright, but I was kind of expecting a nervous breakdown...? Or, you know, at least a mild level of upset?"

I giggle. Another reason I love her company: she's funny. Although I'm perfectly aware that here, like in most of her humour, there's a certain level of truth to her words. "I'm fine. We're always like that."

She raises a brow in a both sympathetic and skeptical motion. "You should see our family reunions," I tease. A look of amusement crosses her beautiful, strong features before she lets out a laugh. It's a real laugh, too, not fake in the slightest. This makes me happy.

I abruptly decide that if Sirius wants to start a fight, he can go somewhere else. I do not need anger or hatred in my life if I can help it. I could have a great life, and in his deluded quest for getting justice because I did not seek a better life, he's making it worse.