nevermind + poetry.

safe at home.

her big brother and my big sister play soccer on tuesdays. we are both so little. so small. so, so small. 

the soccer field seems enormous. it is green and wide and wild, restrictions of white spray paint that say where you may go and where you may not. we run along the edges of it on the first day we meet, just to see who could go faster. 

I ask her, with a bright smile- 

"when's your dad coming to get you?" 

and she says- 

"I'm not sure, but i hope he doesn't 

come 

for 

a 

while." 

-

her neighborhood street seems to go on for miles. we walk along the asphalt with soft, baby porcelain feet and skip and smile and pick weeds from the patches near the apple trees. 

"oh, we can't go there- my dad says that man is bad news." 

so we keep walking on the edges, and when a van comes by we go in the woods because that is what we are supposed to do if a van comes by. 

and i ask her with my  little, honey voice-

"should we just go back to your house?" 

and her eyes widen and she shakes her head- 

"can't we just stay out 

for a little 

while 

longer?" 

- 

the school parking lot is a monolith. a sanctuary of cracked concrete and discarded cigarettes swimming in gutters. we walk along it together, on taller legs, eyes low. 

we sit on the bench near the edge of the woods and she laces her fingers with mine- 

she bites her lip and her hair falls in her eyes

an hour passes and i ask her 

"when are you gonna go home?" 

her irises darken and glisten and she answers low and quiet- 

"i don't know. maybe in a while. i guess i don't even know what i'm 

so afraid of. you know what they say- 

home 

is where 

the 

heart is." 

- 

her bedroom is small and yet it seems an infinity as i hold her in my arms and try to bandage the cuts on her legs and ice the wounds on her back- 

its dark and she smiles up at me and i frown back and hold her tighter and ask 

" do you need to stay at my house for a while?" 

and she laughs, sad and quiet- 

" no, its okay- 

cause little girls are supposed 

to be 

safe 

at home." 

( i do not know what this is smh )