nevermind + poetry.

fever switch ( who i am )

  I feel raw. I'm so full of love i can barely eat.

Everything splits into a crater and caves into my poor heart, calloused and shivering like ice. And oh my god, i love so much i am going to be sick.

My thoughts feel flattened out, the hills have gone still and smooth like planes of emptiness and my body is free. Suddenly i am split down the middle like a tree struck by lightning.

Sometimes i will look at him or her or them and i will want to say

" i hate you "

Or

" i miss you "

Or

" I love you. "

But something will kick me in the gut and i will recoil like a puddle in drought and say nothing.

I feel no control of my body, i feel no safety in your arms.

I've no language left to say it, my veins are busy but my heart is an atophy.

I am deaf, i am numb. Young and free and i can feel none of it.