today i am going to write the saddest poem of all. i loved her, and sometimes she loved me too. but not always.
on nights very much like this one, i held her in my arms. she would make up constellations and i would try to ignore the feeling in my stomach that warned me- this will not last forever.
she loved me, sometimes i loved her. how could i not? there was often many days when we spoke constantly, and often many when we said nothing at all. between those two, we did nothing more than exist.
sometimes i loved her. sometimes she loved me too.
today i am going to write my saddest poem of all. to think that i don't have her. to feel that i have lost her.
to look at the immense night and the stars lacking constellations. to look at the immense night that becomes more immense without her.
and the poem falls from my soul like dew to grass- pointless and easy and stupid.
but what does it matter? the stars will still shine without being grouped into constellations. my heart will still beat and i will exist between saying nothing and saying everything without her . but the night is full of stars and she is not with me.
that is all, and i am writing the saddest poem of all, and my heart is lost without her. to bring her closer, my eyes search for her. my heart searches for her and yet she is not with me and she never will be again.
the same night whitens the same trees. the same stars are not placed into her constellations.
i no longer love her, true, yes, but how much i loved her. my voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
someone else's. she will belong to someone else, and for them she will group constellations and laugh her laugh and love her love. her voice, her body. her infinite eyes.
i no longer love her, true, yes, but perhaps i do. love is so short and the night is so long.
because on nights much like this as i held her in my arms and as she grouped constellations, my heart is lost without her.
although this may be the last pain she causes me- and this may be the last poem i write for her.
YOU ARE READING
nevermind + poetry.
Poetryin which i write poems about love and growing up and everything that comes in between
