markson: discoveries

25 : Tell Me.

The next morning, Mark woke up to the smell of coffee, signaling to him that Jackson must be home, not off visiting Sojin. He was glad but not at the same time. Glad because, yes, they needed to talk about the previous night's occurrences. Not, because he was scared of what could come from that talk.

He lie in bed for a few minutes, thinking about what he was going to say. What could he say? He had a million questions but he couldn't ask them all at once. So after a bit of thought, Mark slid out of the wide plush bed, and made his way to the kitchen.

Jackson was seated on one of the counter stools, mug in his hands, sipping his coffee quietly, just sort of starting out into space. He had a look on his face Mark didn't see often. A look of pure guilt.

Mark made his way over to the counter, and sat down on the stool next to Jackson's, picking up the second mug that sat on the counter and taking a sip. Extra creamer just how Jackson always added for him.

The two sat in silence for awhile, not making eye contact, just glancing around the room, at each other every now and then, and into their soon to be empty mugs of coffee. Soon their cups were sipped dry. The two knew they couldn't stall the conversation any longer.

"I want you to tell me everything that happened yesterday, from the moment you left this house to the moment you got back," Mark began, not looking at Jackson, looking off in a random direction, not really feeling up to face the other man right now. He heard a sigh from beside him, before Jackson's currently gruffy voice filled his ears.

"Well I woke up and left to the hospital yesterday morning, I went to see Sojin, like I told you I was going to," Jackson began, his voice was calm, tone very flat, as if he was trying not to let his voice waver at all. "So I drove over, and arrived. And she told me about how her day had been and after awhile we decided to watch Pocahontas," He continued, though there was a single crack in his voice as he began to go over in his head the previous day's events. But he wasn't going to keep it from Mark, he couldn't do that. He couldn't lie anymore. "So we were watching Pocahontas, and I had my head in her lap because I guess I always do that when I watch a movie. And I started to notice she really wasn't paying a lot of attention to the movie," Another few cracks in Jackson's voice. Mark had turned to look at Jackson as he spoke, but Jackson's eyes were stuck staring at the wall. He couldn't face Mark, he couldn't. "And I asked her what was wrong and she said she'd lost something. And I said we'd find whatever it was but she told me no we wouldn't because what she lost was me," Jackson said, voice getting slightly quieter now, a sad look in his eye, Mark cut in.

"What did she mean she'd lost you, you were right there in front of her?" Mark asked, his tone confused.

"Mark, I dated Sojin. I dated her for a few years, 2 years before I met you, but she broke my heart so I left her," Jackson said as he shook his head, saying it quickly as if it was something he really needed to get out. And before Mark could say anything, he continued. "And after she'd told me what she'd lost was me, she leaned down and she kissed me. She kissed me, Mark." Jackson's tone was upset, distraught, and terrified all in one. Mark's eyes were still staring at the side of Jackson's face, his expression was blank, but his eyes were wide.

"Did you kiss her back?" Mark asked, his tone steady, unwavering, firm. Jackson's head dropped, now looking at the counter.

"I-i.." Jackson stuttered out quietly in a guilty tone. A broken look set onto Mark's face.

"Did you kiss her back?" He asked again, but this time his voice cracked at the end, breaking into a quiet, conscious sort of tone, his eyes welling with hot salty tears.

And all he got in reply was a low nod from Jackson, who still wouldn't look up at him, and was staring down guiltily at the black marble countertop.

"And after that I told her I couldn't do that, I left. And I went off and got drunk. And then came home to you, and you know what happened after that.." Jackson mumbled quietly, his own voice soft, sad.

Mark was broken, absolutely shattered at everything he'd just heard. He didn't know how to react. He wanted to scream and cry out and hit Jackson all at once. But he didn't, he didn't do any of those things. Instead, in a quiet, sad tone, he spoke.

"So the friend you've been going to see all this time, she was your ex? Who apparently still had feelings for you. And then, then you cheated on me, and you kissed her? And then you went and got drunk and came home and almost sexually assaulted me?" Mark stuttered out unevenly, summarizing everything he'd just heard. Hearing it again hurt him even more, and again he just received another low nod from Jackson, who finally looked up, meeting Mark's watery eyes and wet cheeks with his own.

"Yes, and I'm so damn sorry," Jackson said in a faint whisper as fat tears began to slide down his tan cheeks. The two sat there for just a moment, staring at each other, before Mark let out a whisper even quieter than Jackson had.

"Who even are you anymore, Jackson Wang?"

And that was all Mark said before slipping off the stool and heading straight for the front door, slamming it shut with a loud thump, and leaving a still crying Jackson to lie his head down on the counter and continue to sob.

He didn't go after Mark.

He didn't deserve Mark anymore.