Saving Him • editing/rewriting

thirty three-these streets

"I surrender to the memories I run from."
~Bastille

Chapter Thirty Three

I stood outside of the hospital room where my father lay. Hunter gave my hand a comforting squeeze after my feet refused to take a step towards the door.

"Katie, you don't have to do this." He told me. "He doesn't deserve to see you."

I drew in a sharp breath. "I know." I replied quietly. "But I need to do this. I need some kind of closure."

Hunter's stare was so intense that I couldn't look away. His eyes held so much emotion that I couldn't tell apart them all.

He opened his mouth briefly as if to say something but he closed it and nodded, letting go of my hand.

"I'll be right out here if you need me." He said and I managed to give him a small smile of appreciation.

I took a deep breath and opened the door, wanting to get it all over and done with. As I stepped in, closing the door behind me, I immediately wanted to rush back out into the safety of Hunter's arms. But didn't give in to my rising anxiety as I took another step closer to the bed. Deep breaths, I told myself. It's okay, he can't hurt you.

It was unnerving to see my father lying there lifeless and unmoving. It felt unreal like a scene from a movie and it would've been heartbreaking for me if it hadn't been for the fact that my dad was an abusive, horrible excuse of a human.

"Dad, I hate you." I don't bother sitting down on the seat next to him. I just stand there, looking over him. "I hate that you're not here to hear how much I hate you."

Anger suddenly bubbles up inside of me and I bang my fist on the bedside table.

"It's not fair. You can't-" I take a deep breath to calm myself down and to lower my voice down. "You can't just leave like that. Not after you caused us all this trouble. Not after you hurt Lola like that. And Tom. And Pam. And mum. And me! You hurt almost everyone I love yet you were too selfish to stick around to face the consequences." I laughed bitterly. "Typical."

A few minutes ticked past and there was nothing, not even a peep, from my dad. Of course, he was dead. But still I wanted so badly for him to wake up and tell me that he's sorry and that he messed up. That he deserved his daughter hating him. For everyone to hate him.

I felt a prick of sadness at the thought of my dad never waking up again, that after today I won't ever see him again.

But I stopped loving my own father a long time ago and I wasn't going to start now. This was my final goodbye to him.

"I hope you're happy with yourself. Thank you for not leaving one single good memory of you for me to keep." I told him, the coldness in my voice surprising even myself. And with that, I turned my back and walked out of the room.

When I opened the door, I found Hunter leaning against the wall with his earphones shoved into his ears, his head bopping lightly and his foot tapping the ground. I couldn't help but smile at the boy in front of me. He must've felt me looking because he looked up and he immediately tugged his earbuds out and walked towards me.

"Hey, is everything okay?" He asked me.

I nodded, "Everything's okay." I told him. And I wasn't lying. It was true. But I wanted so badly for Hunter to put his arms around me because I couldn't deny the small ache in my chest. I was too stubborn though and I didn't want him to see that I was somewhat a little affected by my father's death, no matter how much I didn't want to be. So I stepped past him to go to the vending machine but he stopped me.