Bellarke One Shots Book 2

84)Dark side of the moon

Archive of our own
By: MercuryM

"Do it."

Bellamy looked at her and their eyes met. There was desperation in both their gazes.

Torture.

The word left a bitter taste in Clarke's mouth. She never thought that she'd stoop that low – to inflict pain on another human being.

But they were doing it for Finn. They needed the antidote. It was for the greater good but why was she feeling like the worst kind of person… maybe she was.

A whoosh and the makeshift whip in Bellamy's hand hit skin. The Grounder's muffled scream of pain was overshadowed by Octavia's shouts to stop.

Another whoosh, another hit, another scream.

Clarke closed her eyes. She didn't want to see it, to hear it, to feel it.

It was for Finn. But it hurt so much.

It was tearing her from the inside. This was different from the mercy kill she granted to Atom. He was dying, the acid fog was in his lungs, and there was no way to save him. She simply had ended his suffering.

But there was nothing simple in taking another's person life. Be it a mercy kill or the kind of stuff they were doing right now. It left a stain on them, on their souls and personalities, on her for agreeing, on Bellamy for carrying it out.

And it was slowly tearing them inside out.

She could see it in Bellamy's dark eyes, in the tension of his shoulders, in the way he was holding back as he landed yet another hit. He didn't want to do this anymore than she did or Octavia did. Unfortunately they needed the antidote and Bellamy took the burden of their decision and did everything he could to save one of their own.

He was changing, maybe he wasn't aware of it but Clarke was. She had watched him, kept every move of his in her range of vision, questioned every step he took, challenged his authority whenever she got the chance. For Bellamy it used to be him and Octavia against the world. His little sister was the only family he got left and he was capable of doing anything just to keep her safe at his side. Even if it meant signing his own death warrant.

It was part of his character that Clarke both admired and disliked greatly. Maybe because she always thought that a single individual didn't matter that much as long as the group survived.

A life lost for the greater good was a life well lived.

She used to think so. But the reality turned out to be different.

Sure she granted Atom eternal rest and went to save Jasper and tried to make Murphy see reason with the Charlotte situation but if Clarke had to be honest with herself she didn't do it just because it was the right thing; some part of it was because she was scared, so scared. Scared of being disposable, of not being important, of being alone, of being a burden. Scared of people knowing that she wasn't the goody-two shoes that people labeled her to be, that she wasn't simply a privileged kid born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Scared of them finding out that she had a dark side to her light one as well, a side she had refused to acknowledge before.

On the Ark she didn't matter, she was the kid of the doctor and because of that people thought that she had something over them. Truth was she had been powerless to do anything. Her blood, her position in the society the Ark had built didn't help with anything when it came to saving her father. He was sent to space and she was sent to prison, a little white cell with a windows showing her the Earth in all its colors, in all its beauty, in its all inaccessibility. It had mocked her, laughed at her, she, as an individual, didn't matter when it came to the bigger picture. And she had fiercely believed in that.