Bellarke One Shots Book 2

87) So put your hands down my pants and I bet you'll feel nuts

Archive of our own
By: Chash
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Clarke isn't really excited about balls.

"I mean," she tells the guy. Blamey? No, that's not a real name. She's pretty sure his name wasn't a real name, but--it wasn't Blamey. It was a different non-real name.

She's definitely going to call him Blamey at some point. It's inevitable.

"You mean?" he prompts.

"Okay, like, dicks? I'm down. Dicks seem cool. Not, you know, assholes, actual dicks."

"I'm genuinely upset I followed that," he says. "Drink this."

"I am not drinking any more."

"It's water. The cap is sealed. It's not roofied or anything. Just--please drink it. I don't want you to die on the floor."

"Aww, thanks." She unscrews the cap, can feel the click of the seal breaking. At least Blamey is an upstanding citizen. "I don't want to die on the floor either." She takes a long drink of the water and then says, "Anyway, dicks."

"Non-asshole dicks."

"Non-asshole dicks. Regular dicks. Those are cool. You know, hard, cylindrical, I've had that basic experience with strap-ons. But balls, right?"

"Non-athletic balls, I assume."

She squints at him. "You're kind of an asshole dick, aren't you."

He breaks out laughing, which, okay, honestly, she's impressed it took him this long. She's being ridiculous. "God, I hope you're this fun when you're sober," he says, when he recovers. "You're seriously afraid of balls?"

"Not afraid," she says. "Just--I dunno. They're weird, right?"

"I've literally had them my whole life. I'm pretty used to them. They're just sort of hanging out."

"I think that's what bothers me," she muses. "The whole--hanging aspect."

"God, why am I not recording this? This is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me."

"I'm just saying, I would sleep with you--"

"If you were sober, interested, and not afraid of balls."

"WARY OF BALLS," she says, and several people look at her, which is how she realizes she is no longer modulating her voice well. "Oh my god. I can't believe you made me say that."

"In what universe is this conversation my fault?" he asks. "You stumbled up to me, started petting my hair, and then told me you weren't sure about balls. Which I honestly assumed was not the word you were looking for when I asked why you were unsure, but this has been a really enlightening conversation."

Clarke opens and closes her mouth, and then squints at him again. "Is your name actually Blamey?"

"No."

"You are really hot."

"Thanks. You are really drunk."

"Did you know wine is alcoholic?"

"Did you not know wine is alcoholic?"

"No, of course you knew, but did you know? Like, if you drink a lot of it, you will get drunk. But it doesn't taste like that."

"Jesus Christ." He rubs his face, but he's still laughing a little. "Okay, you're--way too drunk. Where do you live? Who did you come with?"

"Um, Raven? And--" she looks around. She hasn't seen anyone she knows in a while. "Octavia?"