Marauders Mistakes (blackinnon)

part seventeen

Dorcas lay with her head on Marlene's lap in the Gryffindor common room, asking questions about anything that came to her mind; "What is for dinner Marley?", "How long did Remus say he would be gone Marley?", "Why were you in the room of requirement all night Marley?", "Aren't you sad Marley?" The abundance of questions that Doe could ask in a short ten minutes, and they tired Marlene out. She hated lying to Doe, and keeping her out of things but the girls had decided a long while ago that she just didn't need to know, she was much happier worrying about the next essay due, rather than who Marlene had last shagged or Emmelines fallouts with Mary. Doe would cling on to details, paranoid about the situation until she was so worked up she would even have panic attacks, and how the girls hated her having panic attacks. They were much less frequent now, as they knew what would trigger such panics and avoided enlightening her on a situation unless she needed to know.

Sometimes Marlene loved chatting away to Dorcas, and she loved the little world she lived in and the way she viewed things, but at other times she wanted to scream at her friend and remind her that she is eighteen, and would be leaving Hogwarts forever soon, she needed to grow up. They had all been waiting for the day, at first they thought it would be when she started her periods, but no, Dorcas had started late at fifteen and continued to be a little girl, or maybe when she had sex for the first time, but that had come and gone and she was still the same. It wasn't that she was stupid, she was far from it and had achieved nearly as good OWLs as Lily had, Dorcas just asked lots of questions and didn't always like the answers. She struggled with things she didn't understand socially, like behaviour.

Marlene remembered Lily chatting to Remus about her autistic behaviour in lower years when she was out of earshot, and they had agreed that if everyone is on the scale, maybe it's just that little Doe is slightly further along than most.

Today was a day where Doe's questions about Marlene's mental health were tricky, "Why do you get so angry Marley?", "Why don't you cry Marley?" Was the most often of the questions that she was asked, little Doe didn't understand that Marlene didn't feel her emotions, she didn't allow herself to, she didn't dwell on situations to be sad, she thought about them and why they had happened and what she could do to forget that situation, and the answer usually involved a bottle of fire whiskey.

Sirius was sat opposite listening to the girls, something Marlene had been self conscious of at first, letting Sirius in had not been easy and she had not done it lightly, to her having sex was fine. Letting people learn about her and why she did things and what would upset her? Not fine. To Marlene that was private privileged information not for Black. But he was quiet as he listened to the girls, and smiled when he heard things he knew weren't quite true, maybe they were simplified for Doe, or told slightly differently, but he could now notice these changes and understood why they were done. Although he also noticed Remus had criticized Mckinnon for doing so, he knew he did the same. Sometimes Sirius would read, or finish some homework, but those were rare occasions, mostly he sat and watched Marlene silently, absorbing everything he could about this mysterious girl who let her guard down around her friend who never quite grew up.

Today Dorcas turned to Sirius, and he saw Marlene relax when she no longer had to watch what she was saying, or who in the common room was listening to what Doe was asking her about the war, or the rumors of an allegiance Dumbledore was setting up to fight Voldemort and his followers. She avoided these questions as best as she could, but it was unfair not to give little Doe what she needed to know, but ultimately Marlene didn't really know much about it anyway.

"Sirius?" Doe questioned.

"Yes Dorcas?" Sirius replied, his attention slightly away from Marlene now, as he listened to what she said.

"Are you going to tell your brother about the baby?"

It was a question that startled Sirius, and he now understood why Marlene was so on edge when Doe questioned her like this. It didn't happen too often, maybe once a fortnight or so, sometimes more often than other times, but Sirius had never truly appreciated how difficult it was to just answer questions like that, questions he hadn't thought about himself. But he knew one thing, Marlene would be listening to every word he said, and if he said one thing slightly out of line she would remember it. They had agreed to stop the games, but he didn't know to what extent this meant, surely not all would stop?

Sirius thought about what Dorcas had asked quickly. "No, I don' think so." He concluded.

Dorcas frowned. "Why?" "Do you want to know the truth?"

Marlene looked at him and raised an eyebrow, though Dorcas couldn't see.

"Yes, of course."

"I'm still coming to terms with what happened, its quite difficult to imagine the baby to me, it was still so small. I feel disconnected from it as though it is just out of reach."

Dorcas nodded. "Its hard because it was so young, maybe at a couple of months you would have become more attached but its hard to know. I wouldn't worry fathers often have that problem, its to do with insecurities in the relationship, a lack of trust if you will, as if the child can't be theirs until they see it."

And there it was, a comment Doe would make that would stun anyone listening, as if she knew everything, and didn't have any problem understanding human behaviour.

Sirius' jaw dropped and Marlene was quickly left to recover the situation.

"Doe do you mind going to find Lily? She has some muggle pain killers that I need."

Dorcas jumped up, glad to be given responsibility. "Of course Marley." Suddenly full of concern, "Are you in pain? Do you need anything else?"

"Nothing I cant handle, dont worry, I think Lils said she was in the library." She smiled as Doe spun around and bounced out of the room.

As soon as she was gone Sirius regained himself.

"Mckinnon, are you okay? Honestly?" He noticed she was pale, with sweaty palms and a tense facial expression.

"Mhm, come here." She whispered patting the seat beside her.

Sirius moved next to her and she leaned onto him, curling her legs up onto the sofa and burrowing her head into his chest.

"Mckinnon tell me whats wrong." Sirius' concern grew and he didn't pose it as a question this time.

"Just let me try to sleep it off, if Lils comes wake me?"

Sirius wasn't left with much choice but to await Lily's arrival with these muggle medicine that would hopefully help Marlene, he didn't even know what was wrong.

Shortly after Lily came rushing in, "How is she?"

"She keeps drifting in and out of sleep and clutching her stomach." Sirius said, now more worried than before, "What is it Lily?"

"Shes having a super heavy period, and these are what I assume to be the cramps that she will have to endure while her stomach effectively shrinks back to the normal size."

Just then Marlene woke, "Give me the bloody tablets Lily, before my entire uterus falls out."