Marauders Mistakes (blackinnon)

part forty one

It was late as Sirius finally arrived back at his apartment. He was tired, bruised and in need of a long, long sleep. He had been gone over a month, looking for Marlene, then looking for her family, then looking for Marlene again. But he had found her impossible to find, and her brothers were too impossible to find. Sirius felt as though he had failed her this time, he had lost her for a mission that hadn't even brought her family home, and in the process of losing her he had lost their child too, their future, her trust. It hadn't been easy not having her around, he felt as though he was missing a huge part of him, like his right hand was gone.

The flat was cold, and smelt musky, of his cigarettes. Stale cigarettes. He made his way into the kitchen where he dumped his bag before noticing a note on the counter. 

'Send an Owl when you're home. We miss you so, L&J.' 

Something churned inside Sirius at this, and guilt washed over him. How could he mess his friends around like this, how could he even think that was fair? He knew for a fact if they ever did that to him he would be so angry- so betrayed. Yet they all knew that Sirius was good at running, when something went rocky he ran, he fled, he hid. It was what he had done as a child, then as a teenager, and now just a young adult in a world of conflict it was all he knew how to do. Nobody had thought to teach him any better.

It hadn't helped that Marlene had also packed her bag and gone- she had believed in his infidelity at the first chance and fled from the fight. She never used to flee from fights. But Sirius now knew all too well, that Marlene was too tired to fight with Sirius about the same damn things, and Sirius also knew that if the roles were reversed and he thought she had cheated, he would also have gone without a word. Because Marlene and Sirius can always do the shouting, the fighting, the screaming, saying everything to hurt the other in revenge. But what hurt both of them the most, was the silence of leaving without even fighting- because that meant Marlene didn't even think there was anything worth left to fight for any more.

Sirius sighed and lit a cigarette as he looked at the note. How unfair of him, to not even let Lily and James know he was going this time. It wasn't the first time he had gone AWOL, he had gone before, but never for this long and never without contact in a raging war. He thought of Moony and Wormtail then, and realised with a shudder that he had missed the full moon. How selfish could he be? Moony never asked anything- except help on full moons. And he had been off chasing nothing and staying in cheap muggle B&Bs. Sirius hated himself in that moment- for abandoning his friends at the first sign of turbulence. 

He shivered, and wished he had money left to pay the pile of bills Lily had neatly stacked. Sirius had no money to pay them any more - he was all out of funds, they'd been dwindled away on cheap muggle alcohol and cigarettes. Sirius wasn't even sure he was sorry, at least not yet. He'd have to get a job though, because he couldn't leave those bills forever.

Sirius froze, as he heard something in the living room, he pulled out his wand and quietly made his way through. 

And there, sat on the sofa was Marlene. 

He froze. His heart was racing in his chest, a thousand questions making their way through his brain at once. But he could only think about pulling her close and holding her there forever, where she couldn't leave until this wretched war was over, and it was safe again. He was frozen still as he took in her appearance properly, a month had changed Marlene, she was now four months pregnant. And you could tell. Her belly now stretched her top, though she still wore her denim jacket and DMs. Her hair was longer, blonder. 

"You not even going to check it's me Black? How lazy." Marlene muttered, her wand in hand she moved across the room to him and pointed it under his chin. 

"When did you first tell me you loved me?" She asked him slowly, only whispering now, inches away from his face. Sirius noted the desperation in her eyes, and he only hoped that she wanted it to be him as much as he wanted it to be her.

"When we were having sex." Sirius replied. "In the dorm. 6th year. We both pretended I didn't say it."

There was a pause. 

"What was the first thing you said to me when I turned up at the Potter Manor after I ran away from home?"

"'Well shit, look who finally grew some balls.'" Marlene replied. 

Sirius pulled Marlene into a tight hug. He felt himself breathe for the first time since she left. 

"Miss me?" Marlene asked.

"You don't even know the half of it."